Male Chastity - Pleasure and Devotion, the Science Behind It

Male Chastity - Pleasure and Devotion, the Science Behind It


I have been doing some reading lately about the science of sex and more particularly, the science of orgasm. I have been looking to answer a number of questions I’ve had about my own reaction to chastity, such as:

1. Why am I in such a good mood during my periods of chastity?

2. Why are my orgasms, when I do have them, so intense and long-lasting; utterly unlike any orgasms I have experienced before?

3. Why do I have these intense feelings of devotion to my wife, of wanting to help and serve her during my periods of chastity?

4. Why do I lose those intense feelings of devotion after I have orgasmed and do not feel them return until days, sometimes a week or more, afterwards?

5. Why is my wife so much more enthusiastic when we have sex than she was before this chastity experiment?

6. Why does my wife seem to be in a better mood than she had been before, more willing to experiment a little sexually and generally warmer and more playful during our non-sexual time together?

I have had these questions, and others, swirling around in my mind for some time but didn’t feel the need to think and research them more deeply until a couple of things happened. First, in trying to explain to my wife what that powerful feeling of devotion was, I compared it to that post-orgasmic feeling of closeness we always have as we lie entwined with each other after sex, telling each other how lucky we are to have found each other. She remarked, “yes, but that feeling doesn’t last long, does it?” That made me curious as to why it doesn’t last.

Second, I had been following an excellent blog on male chastity, called aptly the Male Chastity Blog (www.malechastityblog.com), written by Sarah Jameson. It has been an font of wisdom, reason and good advice and followed closely the developments of her relationship with her husband, John, and her thoughts about it. In that blog, she described the increasing period of time between orgasms for her husband, from monthly, to every three or four months, to at least seven months, to serious consideration of stretching that to a year or more; and even discussion and consideration of permanent orgasm denial (gulp!).

Sarah has also recently written a book on male chastity called “Be Careful What You Wish For,” a superb collection of her thoughts, wisdom and advice on whether male chastity is right for you; if it is, how to go about adopting that lifestyle and how to make it work for you as a couple. One thing she discusses in that book is her thinking on extending the period between orgasms for her husband. Her reasoning is logical, in fact mathematical in nature. First, she states that she and her husband’s experience with male chastity so far has established a clear pattern that whenever John orgasmed, he lost that feeling of devotion, that powerful feeling of wanting to help and serve his wife for 7-10 days. Then, she projected that pattern and its results on letting John orgasm every month and found that for every year, they (and especially she) would lose that special devotion generated by male chastity, in aggregate, for three to four months. She considered that loss much too high to permit if she didn’t have to, and she didn’t have to. John seemed perfectly content with the less frequent orgasms as long as there were frequent periods of sexual play, touching and teasing - even if it was ostensibly just for Sarah’s benefit.

That description of John’s lost devotion after orgasm and his general state of happiness while he was chaste closely matched my own experience and made me wonder just what was the best duration of chastity for me. During my own experiment in male chastity, the longest period I had gone without orgasm was 18 days and I recalled feeling as though I was jumping out of my skin I was so excited by the prospect of sexual release. Should I go longer, and if so, how? Can I be trained over time to extend the duration?

I began researching my questions by trying to understand the mood change that occurs after orgasm, particularly after a lengthy period of chastity. From previous experience, I knew moods are often dependent on the presence, concentration or absence of certain neurotransmitters. So I began my internet search with “sex and neurotransmitters,” and “orgasm and neurotransmitters.” What I found is that the relationship of sex and orgasm to our mood is not a mystery; the biochemical mechanisms are well understood. And, I discovered that those mechanisms provide the answers to not only all of the questions I had about mood change and male chastity but many questions I hadn’t even thought of yet. At the end of this article, I will list some web sites that would be of interest in understanding these mechanisms. Each of those sites, in turn, provide links for further research and investigation.

There are a number of different neurotransmitters involved in shaping our moods throughout our life but the three dominant, key ones where sex and orgasm are concerned are dopamine, prolactin and oxytocin. A fourth factor is the concentration of receptors for these neurotransmitters, in particular those for dopamine. Sexual activity and orgasm generate predictable patterns in the levels of each of the three transmitters as well as receptors. Men and women have distinctly different patterns which have evolved over time to deal with the imperatives of species survival - i.e successfully passing on one’s own genes. In particular, gene pool mixing and the care of off-spring so they survive long enough to pass their genes on.

This is not an article about evolution, but suffice to say that the feelings and behaviors those neurotransmitters generate that are related to survival (that is, gene survival) exist in us today because they were the most successful in allowing our ancestors to survive and procreate, and for allowing their progeny to survive and have a chance to also procreate. The neurotransmitters dopamine, prolactin and oxytocin exist and work the way they do because in the world of long ago, when our ancestors evolved, they provided an advantage in procreation and in survival of the resulting progeny.

Okay, so let’s introduce the “stage” and the three main actors in this ongoing play:

First, the stage for all of this is our brain; in particular the part of our brain in the limbic system called the “reward center.” All of our physical senses like taste, smell and touch only provide signals to the brain which the brain receives and processes resulting in the generation of neurotransmitters. Our genitals are just one of many such signal senders.

The three “actors” are:

Dopamine - the neurotransmitter that causes the feeling of pleasure we receive from engaging in certain activities. Sexual arousal, the eating of calorie rich foods, and for some people, certain other behaviors like gambling or shopping. The ingestion of certain drugs like cocaine, amphetamines and heroin also raise the level of dopamine in our reward center. This rising level of dopamine is experienced as pleasure and the higher the level, the more intense the pleasure provided there are sufficient receptors to accommodate the rising level. The intense pleasure of orgasm that we experience results from the sudden flood of dopamine that is released in the reward center of our brain.

Prolactin - the neurotransmitter of satiation; it applies the brakes, so to speak, on the level and duration of dopamine and oxytocin ( it affects oxytocin indirectly by its effect on dopamine). Prolactin levels generally remain stable in the reward center of the brain except during orgasm when they are substantially increased to deal with (i.e counteract or reduce the level of) the sudden flood of dopamine and oxytocin. The elevated levels of prolactin after orgasm persist in the reward center for one week to two weeks.

Oxytocin - often called the “cuddle hormone,” when the level is elevated, produces the pleasurable feeling of bonding or “connectedness,” as well as feelings of closeness, devotion and protection. It is the primary factor in establishing the basis for pair bonding. A burst of oxytocin is produced during orgasm and is responsible for the post orgasmic afterglow feelings of love and connectedness . After orgasm, in men, the level or oxytocin quickly drops - in less than an hour it is well below the level it was at before sexual arousal began. In women, the post orgasmic level of oxytocin decreases more slowly reaching normal levels in several hours and remaining there. In addition to orgasm, the other mechanism for raising the level of oxytocin is touching and caressing, not necessarily in a sexual manner; even the simple act of holding hands will raise oxytocin levels in both men and women. When the level of oxytocin is reduced to at or below normal levels, despite the reduction of the powerful bonding feeling, the memory of that feeling remains. It is that memory that provides the basis for long term relationships to survive the dopamine/prolactin roller coaster.


As discussed in the section on oxytocin, the manner in which dopamine and prolactin rises and falls during and after orgasm is quite different in men than in women. In men, the curve tracing the increase and decrease of dopamine through sexual arousal, orgasm and aftermath is saw-tooth shaped. There is a gradual rise during sexual arousal with the gradient or slope increasing as he approaches orgasm. At orgasm, the slope is nearly vertical as it is the sudden burst of dopamine that is experienced as intense pleasure by men. The feeling of intense pleasure lasts only 5-10 seconds in most men (4-12 muscular contractions about 0.8 seconds apart according to Masters and Johnson). This burst of dopamine triggers a nearly concurrent burst of prolactin causing the level of dopamine to “fall off a cliff” in a nearly vertical descent after orgasm. The result of the dueling neurotransmitters just minutes after orgasm is a dopamine level that is well below the level it was before the sexual arousal leading to orgasm started with a concurrently high level of prolactin that persists above the normal level for up to two weeks.

For women, the picture is quite different. Perhaps because of different survival and procreation imperatives, or because women’s dopamine levels are largely driven by their menstrual cycles (high levels at fertility, highest at ovulation, lowest at the end of the cycle when not fertile - this low dopamine level is often experienced as PMS irritability and also, often, an insatiable appetite for calorie rich foods which is a way of raising dopamine levels back to normal), a women’s dopamine curve is smoother, shaped more like a flattened sine wave which, if looked at in detail, is a series of pyramid like steps with small rises and drops followed by a period of leveling or a plateau. So, during sexual arousal, a woman's dopamine level rises in a series of steps (the plateaus accounting for the generally longer foreplay period required by women before orgasm). At orgasm, the dopamine level peaks but does not drop off drastically, descending instead in a series of steps because, unlike men, her prolactin levels rise only a little above normal and continue at that level only long enough to return her dopamine level to the level which is normal for where she is in her menstrual cycle.

Now that we understand the dopamine/prolactin cycle and the oxytocin cycle, let's look at the moods and feelings that are associated with normal or somewhat elevated levels versus low levels of dopamine; excess versus normal levels of prolactin; and higher versus lower levels of oxytocin.

Dopamine:

Normal/Somewhat Elevated: Motivated, Feelings of well-being, pleasure in accomplishing tasks, healthy libido, optimistic about life, good feelings towards others, a desire to bond with others, sound choices.

Low Level: depression, Anhedonia (no pleasure, the world looks colorless), lack of ambition and drive, inability to feel love, low libido, no remorse about personal behavior, social anxiety, impaired judgment.



Prolactin

The symptoms associated with excess levels of prolactin are:
lethargy, loss of libido, depression, irritability, infertility, decreased testosterone levels, weight gain, little interest in bonding with others and pessimistic about life.


Oxytocin:

Normal/Elevated: strong feelings of attachment, devotion and connection; increased sexual receptivity, positive feelings, health benefits (lowers blood pressure, faster wound healing) fewer cravings and addictions, feelings of protection and responsibility.

Low Levels: little or no feelings of attachment, devotion or connection, little or no feelings of protection and responsibility for another, low libido, depression and weakened immune system.


Now let’s walk an average, middle-aged, married couple through their respective neurotransmitter cycles, assuming they have sex to the man’s orgasm about twice per week (with the woman reaching orgasm about half the time):

For the man, it’s a dopamine/prolactin roller coaster of pleasure and depression with him experiencing the pleasure of elevated dopamine and oxytocin for relatively brief periods of sexual arousal and orgasm while spending most of his time experiencing the lethargy, depression and loss of connectedness of low levels of dopamine and oxytocin with high levels of prolactin. To compensate for this, the man will attempt to raise his dopamine levels to feel good again by doing things in which his brain has, through experience, already developed pathways for responding with dopamine surges. This includes over-eating, use of dopamine raising drugs - legal and illegal (alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, cocaine, amphetamines, opiates), looking at porn, masturbation, sexual liaisons with others, particularly those involving risk (New York Governor Spitzer and President Clinton come to mind - both of whom paid a high price for living with a dysfunctional dopamine/prolactin cycle), etc..

Importantly, along with the negative effects of low dopamine, there is also the lost feeling of connection and ability to love with low oxytocin levels. The moods and feelings generated by low dopamine levels often prevent the very thing necessary to raise oxytocin levels - touching and caressing of his wife or by his wife, physical closeness and intimate communications.

With the persistence of prolactin in the brain after every orgasm preventing the return of dopamine levels to normal, a man who orgasms every few days and/or masturbates with that kind of frequency (or more often) is continuously stuck in a cycle in which he never returns to a normal level of dopamine and is constantly seeking ways to boost those levels. Moreover, he is unable to consistently maintain an emotional connection to his wife.

It should be noted that this type of cycle probably exists because it was very advantageous to the survival of ancient man’s genes that he seek quantity and variety for sex - ensuring the continuance of his genes by placing them with as many women as he could. He was a dopamine driven creature, with occasional bursts of dopamine rewarding his sexual behavior - passing his genes along, but persistent low levels of dopamine to drive him to seek sex again with an even larger boost if it is with a different partner.
(Note: There is a funny if possibly apocryphal story about this involving President Calvin Coolidge - google the term Sex and “Coolidge Effect” to find it.)

It should also be noted that the mechanism for gene survival is completely disinterested in the feelings of the man - whether or not he feels good or bad most of the time; or for that matter the feelings of the women with whom he has sex. This is, of course, at odds with our modern desire to be happy in our life.

For the woman in this marriage, her dopamine levels are largely controlled by her menstrual cycle with her experiences of elevated levels at orgasm and slower, more gradual drop off in dopamine levels that help maintain her feelings of well-being but with the mood, attitude and behavior of her dopamine deprived husband alienating her from him emotionally. There is a constant interplay of low dopamine affected husband, resulting withdrawal of affection by the wife and resulting decreased oxytocin levels in both of them that creates problems in the marriage. It is important to recognize that orgasm by the woman does not have the same severe, adverse effect on her dopamine levels as is the case with a man. The man's emotional detachment after orgasm is not a mystery. It is biologically driven and has little to do with the acts or omissions of his mate.

One more quick note about the fourth factor, the level or concentration of dopamine receptors - with respect to the man who masturbates a lot or looks at a lot or porn to raise his dopamine levels. The law of diminishing returns applies. Just as in the case of a cocaine addict needing more and more of the drug to generate the same rush of pleasure and, over time, not even getting much pleasure, eventually needing the drug just not to feel bad, the man who has frequent orgasms causes his brain to down-regulate the number of dopamine receptors so there is a diminishing intensity of pleasure felt because the surges of dopamine at orgasm do not have receptors to bind to. It also explains the greatly enhanced feelings of pleasure felt by men who orgasms infrequently; men who have comparatively high concentrations of receptors.

Now, let’s look at the dopamine/prolactin/oxytocin cycle with the same middle-aged couple in which the man is allowed to orgasm only once every three months (as the Male Chastity Blog writer, Sarah Jameson, permits for her husband, John). In this scenario, the woman is allowed to orgasm whenever she wishes, usually during sex play with her husband. For the chaste man, after his last orgasm, he is in the same situation as the “normal” married man who has just had an orgasm. He has low dopamine and oxytocin levels, and high prolactin levels.

But unlike the man who keeps having orgasms inside of his dopamine recovery period and therefore remains chronically low in dopamine, the chaste man does not orgasm again for some months. Within a week or so his dopamine not only returns to normal levels but over time it is further elevated by frequent sex play and intimacy, especially with teasing and denial. Moreover, just wearing the chastity device raises his level of dopamine because of the continuous, low level of arousal he receives from the awareness of his genitals and the fact that he has turned over control of his orgasm to his wife.

(Note: The turnover of sexual control is one of the reward pathways that the chaste man may have developed sometime in his past; a reward pathway being a behavior which reliably raises dopamine. Generally, the male chastity lifestyle will work best when the man has already developed that reward pathway, i.e. already desires or even craves turning over control. It is possible that this reward pathway can be developed in a man that doesn’t already have it. The craving of every type of sexual “kink” can be understood in this way. They are all attempts to boost dopamine levels using pre-established reward pathways that the person has developed in the past which reliably provided a dopamine burst when activated.)

The key to the chaste man’s long term mood elevation - his increased feelings of happiness and satisfaction, is that although his dopamine levels are continuously being raised above normal for the months in between orgasms, without orgasm he never triggers the surge in prolactin that lowers dopamine levels. Throughout the day, every day he is in his chastity belt, aware that he has turned over control of his orgasm to his wife, his dopamine level stays elevated. During sexual play and intimacy, when he is teased and denied, particularly when teased to just short or orgasm, his dopamine level is boosted without triggering the corresponding, counterweight of prolactin to defeat it. Making love to his wife and bringing her to orgasm is incredibly arousing for him, boosting his dopamine levels with no subsequent sudden drop of dopamine level for him because he doesn’t orgasm himself.

In her blog, Sarah relates that in trying to understand why her husband craves chastity, he said it was because he was constantly aroused, that he was “half-way to orgasm” all the time. Biochemically, he was exactly right. He had discovered that in terms of overall happiness, it was better to be half way to orgasm 95% of the time than all the way to orgasm .01% and no way to orgasm the other 99.99% of the time.

What about oxytocin, the “cuddle hormone?” After orgasm and the short term boost of oxytocin, the chaste man suffers the same fade to below normal levels. But, unlike the man who orgasms frequently, his dopamine and oxytocin levels are restored to normal after a week or so. The chaste man spends most of his life with high dopamine and high oxytocin levels (helped along by his loving wife who appreciates the mood and attitude of her high dopamine, high oxytocin level mate) who lavishes lots of physical attention on him. Touch and caress, hand holding and massages, warm intimate talks are a regular part of their daily lives.

Rather than feeling depression and alienation from low levels of dopamine and oxytocin, most of the time the chaste man feels positive, motivated and devoted to his wife. One of the most consistent reports of changes that occur in a relationship when a male chastity lifestyle is adopted is the male’s greatly increased attention, cooperation and personal service to his wife. This extends to all parts of their relationship, from the way he constantly hugs, touches and showers affection on his wife to his perfect willingness to do domestic chores like the laundry and dishes that he previously wouldn’t go near. It is one of the discovered joys of male chastity for the female mate of the chaste man and usually quickly turns them from anxious skeptics to fully committed believers who never wants to go back to the way it was.

What is the ideal time between orgasms for the male? That it is personal choice for the two individuals involved in the relationship. It’s a trade-off between the desire by the man to experience the intense pleasure of orgasm (greatly amplified by the infrequency with enhanced receptor concentration) while minimizing the period the low dopamine level loss of feelings of well-being. For the female, the trade-off is a complex mix of what she believes is best for her mate whom she loves, what is best for their relationship, and frankly what is best for her. Realistically, every time her mate orgasms, she can expect one to two weeks of a low dopamine, low oxytocin mate with the attendant loss of attention and devotion that she enjoys the rest of the time.

So some of this is basic arithmetic that depends upon what I will term the “Devotion Refractory Period,” taken from the term “male refractory period” which describes the period of time after orgasm in which the male cannot erect and orgasm again. In this context, the devotion refractory period is how long it takes after orgasm for the male’s dopamine and oxytocin levels to recover so that he is again a happy, devoted mate who is once again lavishing his attention on her and performing any number of useful services.

In her book, “Be Careful What You Wish For,” Sarah estimates the period before her husband, John, recovers those feelings of intense devotion for her as about ten days. Figuring that if she allowed him to orgasm every month, then in a year she would lose about 120 days or fully one third of the year of focused, devoted attention by her mate; and he would suffer a depressed mood and emotional alienation for the same period. Sarah decided that this loss was too high a price to pay for giving him the pleasure of monthly orgasms and instead she went to once every three months . Significantly, she noted that although she had the absolute right in their arrangement to do this, she certainly took into account her mate’s feelings and found that he didn’t seem to mind. He wanted to orgasm but craved denial.

So, what does this scientific analysis mean for our understanding of sex and orgasms and the effect it has on our relationship? . First, we now understand that the mechanism, the dopamine/prolactin/oxytocin cycle, was simply the most successful way for man to pass along his genes so it was that mechanism that survives to this day. This mechanism was indifferent to the feelings of men and their mates caught up in it. This is contrary to our modern day personal objective of being a happy, fulfilled and deeply connected person in our relationships. Simply put, male chastity is one way of correcting the mismatch between ancient, biological imperatives and our own modern, personal desires.

The following are some of the useful web sites I found in researching this. Each of these sites, in turn, included numerous links to more information which I also used as needed. The book, "Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow," by Marnia Robinson, was one of several important references for the science and is very interesting reading on its own.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/12/health/12well.html?_r=3&ref=science&oref=slogin

http://scienceblogs.com/cortex/2008/02/dopamine_and_orgasm.php

http://www.reuniting.info/science/sex_in_the_brain

http://www.reuniting.info/science/dopamine_separation_after_orgasm

An "Aha" Moment

An “Aha” Moment

In every successful transition to a Male Chastity Lifestyle Relationship, there is a moment when it becomes clear that the person being induced to go along with male chastity suddenly “gets it,” i.e. understands the importance of chastity to the person introducing it and the benefits of chastity to the relationship and to themselves. I think my wife has just had such a moment.

I had been wearing my chastity device pretty close to 24/7 for couple of months, taking it off daily to thoroughly clean it and myself, when my wife asked me to take it off and leave it home during our ten day vacation out of town. She explained that since we would be sharing a condo with another family, she was concerned that they might accidently discover it. She said she would be mortified and unable to face them again if that happened and she didn’t want to chance it.

As I explained in my last post, she had been starting to come around and accept my wearing the device and even began to actively touch and tease me when I had it on during the start of sex play. She was somewhat resistant to wearing the key I had given her but agreed to wear it at least for the 24 hours preceding the time of a planned date for some sex play and my release. Given the progress she was making, I acceded to her wishes to leave the device home.

Well, the vacation had its problems. The living quarters were smaller than we thought and with only one bathroom, it became in exercise in futility just to get in there for a few minutes in the morning. Every activity and meal devolved into a lengthy negotiation to satisfy all members of both families, and then getting everybody actually out the door to go someplace was like herding cats. Frankly, as much as we liked this other family, they starting to get on our nerves after a while. They probably felt the same way about us.

As the vacation wore on, I found myself becoming a little short-tempered and just generally in a foul mood. By the time we drove home, my wife and I were becoming increasingly short with each other. The final forty miles through bumper to bumper traffic in southern California brought a constant exchange of sarcastic comments and bickering between us. The last ten miles were passed in silence.

Now, it had been eight months since I started experimenting with male chastity and wearing a chastity device. During that time, my wife and I hadn’t bickered once - in fact, I don’t think even a cross word passed between us. I was so caught up in my anger and resentment, that it didn’t occur to me that my bad mood (and her responding bad mood) was related to the fact that I hadn’t worn my chastity device for that ten day period. We’d had sex during that ten day period, once, furtively and quietly so our cohabiting family wouldn’t hear us. It was, in a word, disappointing for both of us. Without the device on, I had also reverted to masturbating almost daily - receiving little satisfaction except for the momentary relief of orgasm.

Well, although it didn’t occur to me that my bad mood was related to not wearing the chastity device, it didn’t escape my wife. As soon as we got home, she immediately went inside and put the gold chain with my device key around her neck and showed it to me, smiling as she dangled it in front of me. I smiled back, immediately put my chastity device back on and we hugged, kissed and gently caressed each other, both of us apologizing for our behavior towards each other. My wife had experienced an “Aha” moment where she recognized with clarity the importance of chastity to me, our relationship and herself.

Since then, she has been wearing the key regularly without my asking her to put it on. She hands me the key in the morning to remove the device for my shower and its cleaning and puts the key back on when I return it to her. She does take it off from time to time when wearing certain outfits afraid she will blush and stammer if asked about it by a friend. To solve this problem, I have ordered a silver locket that is just the right size to hold the key to my chastity device Master Lock. I will have it engraved with our initials (in fancy script) on the front and an inscription on the back which will read:
“You will always hold the key to my heart.
Je t’aime - K.”

I haven’t told her about the locket yet. I will give it to her on our anniversary which will be in a couple of weeks.

The change in my mood after donning the chastity device was amazing. I can only describe it as a general feeling of well-being and security. It also made me very happy to see my wife’s continuing progress along the chastity lifestyle path and her growing awareness of its importance to us.

I have been thinking about what this mood change is all about - why it happens; what is the source. I have developed a theory of sorts which I will write about in a subsequent blog entry.

The New Normal

The New Normal

It has been some time since I’ve last written - about three months. Part of the delay was simply life getting in the way of kink. The other part was simply my desire to only write when I have something worth writing about, i.e. a change in the situation or a new revelation. In a sense we have both.

If you have read my previous blog entries, you know my wife is a lifelong, pure vanilla devotee - no kink whatsoever and our twenty year marriage reflected that. I have has very strong submissive feelings and fantasies my entire life that I have covered up but have found it increasingly difficult to keep the cover on. Last January, I discovered the chastity sub-culture and it had an immediate appeal to me - in fact it seemed to touch something in my very core. I decided to try it - unilaterally, obtaining and wearing a CB-6000 device, off and on, for more than a month without my wife knowing about it.

After the first several weeks of adjustment, finding the right size combinations and the best methods for me of putting it on and wearing it for all activities, I started wearing it almost 24/7, still without my wife’s knowledge. It said something about our marriage and the lack of spontaneous physical touching that she never knew I had it on. She did, however, notice a marked change in my attitude - my degree of solicitude and helpfulness had obviously changed for the better. As if by magic, laundry started getting done, meals prepared and cleaned up and beds made by me without being asked. Moreover, I started focusing more of my attention on her, actively listening as she spoke and letting her lead the conversation.

I finally revealed to her what I had been doing during a mini-vacation at a seaside hotel we like to go to in our home city whenever we can get away for a night or two and don’t want to travel. We had a long conversation - my wife was at first embarrassed that I had been wearing the device all of that time without her knowing about it - immediately understanding what that said about our daily level of physical intimacy. She was also mystified about why I would wear such a thing and revolted by its appearance - likening it to the mask of Hannibal Lectur. She used words like “creepy” and “weird” to describe it (and by inference, me).

But, she also admitted that she had noticed a distinct change in my behavior, for the good and greatly appreciated the change in my attitude. I did not admit to my submissive desires (I think I was already “creepy” and “weird” enough in her eyes without adding that to the mix), but couched my interest in the device (not using the word “chastity”) as a combination of sexual enhancement and a method of weight loss. I explained that the device greatly enhanced the power and duration of my orgasms because of the extended period of sensory deprivation (which was completely true - it does have a enormous magnifying effect for me), and that I wished to use the incentive of sex with this enhanced sexual response to drive my weight loss program - not allowing myself sexual relations until I lost each successive pound for a 15 pound loss.

As I expected, she was suspicious, hesitant and did not embrace the idea at all. My sense was that she would simply ignore it, enjoy the benefits but simply hope that the “weird, “creepy” thing that had intruded upon her marriage would simply disappear when I got bored with it. And she did pretty much what I expected. She ignored the device; wouldn’t touch it, even through my clothes, and took no notice of it in conversation.

But one part of the new program she did buy into completely was the “no sex until I lost a pound.” First, she did want me to lose some weight - I had battled my weight most of my life and succeeded for a long time in keeping it down. The last few years it had started to creep back up. Second, she liked the idea of no sex until some criteria was met - thereby giving her notice of sex and freeing her from pressure for sex from me at all other times. Her libido had been depressed for a long time - she rarely wanted sex, never initiated it and often just seemed to go along with it at my request. Unfortunately, her performance reflected her lack of interest and, despite her going through the motions and me reaching orgasm, often the sex was unsatisfying for me. From her point of view, she could prepare herself for a known “sex date,” much better than dealing with daily pressure from me.

And so we embarked on the program and it was fabulously successful for both of us. I lost the weight - the desire for sex was a very effective incentive for me to resist food and exercise on a daily basis to make my one pound loss every four or five days or so. Wearing the device did enhance the intensity of my orgasm and keep me in a constant state of arousal. But of equal importance, my wife came alive during our sexual encounters. Part of that was her willing participation - not just giving in to pressure from me (and resenting it); and part of it was her new found power to arouse me, to make me jump at her slightest touch. It was empowering for her and renewed the long lost feeling that she was a sexual being. Moreover, the passion and heat of out lovemaking was off the charts - unlike anything we had experienced together since we dated and perhaps the first year of marriage. The fire was back and she was experiencing the most intense, satisfying orgasms than any she could remember.

And so it went for about two months - about the time it took me to lose the weight. After the weight was lost, we switched to a “game” type arrangement. We used dice to determine how many days it would be until our next sexual encounter at a “ceremony” we would do the night after our last sexual encounter - using soft music, scented candles and lots of intimate conversation. I was nude except for my device - she was in sexy lingerie. The first few times we did the ceremony, the results were numbers like eight, nine and ten. My wife loved this new arrangement - less frequent sex, no pressure for sex - ever, new found sexual empowerment for her - the ability to make me jump at her sexual touch, much more enjoyable sex for her when we did have it with body quivering orgasms every time, and a much more helpful and sensitive husband.

As for myself, although the sexual release was less frequent, the quality more than made up for the lower quantity. In fact, there was no comparison between the often brief, tepid lovemaking of before with relatively feeble orgasms and the hot passionate lovemaking of the present with earthshaking orgasms that seemed to go on forever; the happier, more physically intimate wife - even in between lovemaking sessions, and the complete removal of tensions and resentments from our mismatched libidos.

It was a complete win for both of us. The only thing lacking for me was her participation in the “chastity” game - her active recognition of the device and the situation. For a long time it just seemed outside of her “normal” box and she wouldn’t tease or play with me while I was in the device (or even when I wasn’t unless it was during an actual lovemaking session). Slowly that changed as her concept of normal slowly shifted with my consistent wearing of the device - almost 24/7. At first, she would surreptitiously check me out with a thigh pressed between my legs when we hugged goodbye. That progressed to an “oops, excuse me” brush of her hand across my crotch while we walked together or hugged. Finally, she began making explicit “checkouts” of whether I was “enclosed,” and that elicited a smile every time she found that I was.

She had a mind set that the chastity device was painful for me or at least uncomfortable and that if she teased or aroused me it would be more painful or uncomfortable. I did everything I could to reassure her, to convince her that it was not painful and that any discomfort was a “good discomfort” for me as it gave me a sexual buzz - comparing it to the extended pleasurable plateau she attained prior to orgasm. It was a difficult sell - she just didn’t believe me. I even did several “Lady’s Nights” while I was wearing the device where I slowly massaged her body with scented oils and then brought her multiple crashing orgasms with lips, fingers and her favorite wand vibrator. In each case, although I was highly aroused by it all and let her see the result she was having on me with my constrained erection and tightly pinched balls as the erection pulled the ring away from my body, I emphasized that I was not in pain and that I was enjoying it all very much.

Again, it was time and repetition that seemed to bring her around to believing that she would not cause me pain by touching or teasing me when I had the device on. Although still hesitant, she began to tease me at my request, at first with deliberate brushes of my crotch while clothed; then finally progressing to touching the device and my enclosed dick under my shorts during brief teasing sessions. It took several weeks of this before she was comfortable seeing me in the device while otherwise nude and actually touching it and me. Although still hesitant, I could see she was starting to enjoy the effect she had on me while constrained like that. She told me it gave her a tremendous boost of confidence in her sexual power.

Over the course of the next several weeks, I introduced the idea of extended teasing between and during our sexual encounters. I encouraged her to bring me to the edge of orgasm and then stop while I serviced her to an orgasm. I told her, truthfully, that it enhanced the intensity of my eventual orgasm and gave me a tremendous sexual buzz while she was doing it. Tentatively at first, and then with more confidence, she started teasing me for a few minutes every few nights with my encouragement, and then also for a few minutes during our sexual encounters. I also asked and she agreed to wear my key for 24 hours before our sexual encounter with me enclosed and locked up with a heart-shaped lock during that time (at other times, I use a lanyard type clip to keep the chastity device closed since she told me she had no interest or desire to control when I had the device on). I considered this also a significant breakthrough because once she had the key on, she began to actively play the sexually dominant role - threatening playfully to “lose the key” if something she wanted me to do wasn’t done.

Well, at the beginning of July, my wife underwent a minor medical procedure which put her out of sexual action for about ten days. We would be attending a wedding the following weekend at a hotel very near our favorite hotel in the city for our mini-vacation trysts. We decided we would hold off on our next sexual encounter until then - a full seventeen days from our last get together and my last orgasm and then stay overnight at our favorite hotel before the wedding. It would be the longest time I had gone without a sexual release since I had reached puberty (once I discovered masturbation, I rarely went a day without it as a teenager).

It was a difficult two and half weeks. First taking care of my wife as she recovered and all of the house chores (in addition to my work); and doing all this while remaining chaste, securely enclosed in my chastity device. The day before we left for the hotel, I offered her the key which she keeps on a silver chain I gave, hung in the closet. I also had her close the lock on my device, securing me in there, also a first for her. Also that day, I sent her a note telling how much I loved her and how great our relationship has been for the last six months. I also mentioned that I loved the teasing of me she had been doing.

We checked into the hotel the following afternoon and spent the afternoon at their luxurious pool in a private cabana. I had mixed us a couple of three quarter liter bottles of vodka and lemonade. As I usually did, I made hers twice as strong as mine since too much alcohol adversely affects my sexual performance (I’m a light weight when it comes to drinking, I admit it); and she comes alive and loses some of her inhibitions with more alcohol, at least up to a point. It was a long three hours - under my swim suit, my dick was straining at the chastity device as I daydreamed about what would be happening later. I think I was stiff under the unyielding plastic cage for just about the entire time.

While I squirmed in heated anticipation, my wife relaxed on her padded, lounge chair, sipping her drink from an iced, plastic cup and leafing through her copies of People and Self magazine. She didn’t seem to have a care in the world and in no particular hurry to retire to our room. More than once, I looked over under my dark sunglasses and admired her beautiful, lithe form in her high cut, single piece, black bathing suit. At five foot eight and about one hundred and twenty five pounds, my naturally blonde wife still cuts an exciting, sexy figure even as she nears fifty. She is all the woman I want - all the woman I need.

Finally she finished her drink, smiled over at me and silently began packing up her stuff in the beach bag. I didn’t need any more of a hint. Even with the restraining chastity device, my erection was visible through my loose bathing suit if you looked carefully - and this with the short version of the CB-6000 (I’m a grower, not a shower). I immediately took her full beach bag - she smiled again with that knowing, “I’ve got you totally under my power now” smile.

When we returned to the room, I opened up a bottle of Champagne that I had on ice - popping a Champagne cork always seemed to lend an additional festive air to any occasion. I poured us each a generous portion in the flutes I had brought; we clinked glasses in a toast to us and the passion of life. Then she told me to wait while she went into the bathroom to change - she said she had “a little surprise for me.” I saw her pull a red shopping bag out of her luggage bag and just caught the name “Frederick’s of Hollywood” in bold, black script on it.

As soon as she disappeared into the bathroom, I went about making preparations. This included laying out various lubricants and lotions and several vibrators, including that wand vibrator she likes so much. I always take the precaution of bringing along an extension cord when we go to a hotel - you never know where the outlet will be. I then changed into a black thong that I think shows off my abdominals well and highlights the bulge of my crotch. Finally, I looped a light bondage item - a Japanese silk rope, basically two connected loops with slip knots, to the base of the headboard. She had always refused to use any sort of bondage on me - even the lightest, most innocent items, but hope springs eternal in my heart (and elsewhere), figuring we had broken through a lot of limits and taboos these last several months - maybe we would do one more. I reclined on the bed and awaited her.

I few minutes later, I heard the bathroom door open and out she came. She didn’t disappoint me, that’s for sure. Her “surprise” was an incredibly sexy red, velvet bustier that hugged and accentuated her beautiful figure. Below she had on crotchless, black lace panties and sheer, black, nylon stockings, trimmed in the same red velvet as the bustier. I could feel the buzz of sexual excitement in my groin as my PC muscles involuntarily contracted. I told her how incredibly sexy she looked. As she crawled up on the bed, over my reclined body, I noticed the silver chain dangling from her neck, the small, silver key swaying inches above my eyes. She looked down at me as she said, “yes, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?” With my voice caught in my throat I could only nod yes, smiling about as widely as my face would permit. “Well, maybe I’ll let you out and maybe I won’t,” she purred, as she crawled further up my prostrate body until she was kneeling above my upper chest, her smooth, stockinged legs pressed against my shoulders.

This was something new - she was presenting herself for oral sex. In the past, I had always had to initiate this - she had always been very shy and self-conscious about her nether region. As she loomed over my appreciative eyes, I could see that she must have gotten herself freshly waxed. She had only a few light wisps of her silky, fine blonde pubic hair framing her beautiful pussy, with a small tuft of the wheat colored hair above her slit. I could see she was already aroused - her pussy lips puffy and already parted like the petals of a rose. I had never seen her that aroused at the start - it usually took a half hour or so of foreplay to get her in that state. She pushed her pussy towards my mouth in an unspoken directive to get started. I didn’t need a second invitation.

I began with a long, slow swipe of my tongue along the length of her slit, beginning with the patch of soft skin between her vagina and anus and working upward in a slow, continuous climb to the very top of her slit, stopping at the top - feeling the hardness of her clitoral shaft through its covering hood. I flattened my tongue at the top base of her clit and kept it there for several seconds until I felt her shudder in response and automatically press her slit forward to get more pressure on her clit. I did this twice more, getting a stronger shudder each time accompanied by a moan of pleasure, “Yessssssss,” is all she said.

I continued to lave her moistening slit, her nether lips growing thicker as they engorged with blood; her clit hardening and growing until the pearl-like head emerged from its protective hood. She began thrusting her hips at my lips, then grasping both sides of my head with her hands, fingers entwined in my thick, wavy hair. She humping harder and faster as my tongue and lips tried to keep up but it was no use - it was too fast, she was moving too fast for my tongue to find anything but the general area between her lips. Finally, she angled her hips up and I found her wet opening. I slid my tongue in as she thrust her hips hard into my face. I felt her react immediately to my plunging tongue, moaning loudly in pleasure.
I felt the pressure of her weight shift as she leaned over me but couldn’t see what she was doing with my face buried in her crotch. Thus, I was startled and jumped when I heard the loud “buzz” of the vibrator as she applied the tip of the three inch mini-vibe to the side of her clit. She also stiffened immediately at the first touch and a low moan escaped from her lips. She began rocking her hips, thrusting her hole on my stiff tongue as she pressed the powerful little vibrator against her bud. In less than a minute, she came hard, bucking wildly on top of my chest, grinding herself hard on my mouth as she jerked and spasmed, her inner thighs gripped the sides of my face so hard that it hurt. She came and came, finally slowing as she slumped down over my face, completely engulfing it with her slick, wet torso.

We stayed like that for several minutes, me barely able to breath through my nose which was buried in her lower abdomen. I felt her chest on top of my head rising and falling with her deep breaths, rapid at first and then slowing as I felt all of the tension in her body release.

“Oh baby, that was so good,” she whispered in my ear.

I could taste the musk of her juices on my tongue, still buried deep within her hole as she began to move on top of me, unfolding herself from my face and pulling her hips back, finally breaking contact with my lips and tongue as she continued to unfold herself and extend her legs back on top of me. She slid down until her face was over mine, her eyes locked onto me. She flipped her long, blonde hair out of her eyes and then nestled her cheek into the crevice between my neck and collarbone. I felt her smooth, stockinged thighs hug by chastity device enclosed cock and give it a little squeeze. I reacted immediately to the pressure, instinctively thrusting my hips up in a useless gesture to generate some friction and pressure on my plastic enclosed shaft.

I continued to buck my hips and she reciprocated, thrusting her hips back at me and squeezing her thighs. I heard her giggle as she realized my predicament. She was enjoying the game, the tease. I felt her rise up and slowly roll off of me. My disappointment was brief as I saw her turnaround and back up over me, her knees straddling my face, her glistening slit inches from my lips. Looking up, I could see her deliciously round, alabaster white ass which parted as she spread her knees to lower herself, revealing the pink rosebud of her asshole.

It was only as she extended one shapely leg across my chest and lowered her slit to my lips that I realized that she had really gotten into the tease thing. She was enjoying it as much as me and wanted to do it more. I was all for it as she reached my plastic encased shaft with the toes of her stockinged foot and started to play with it, rolling it around - left and right, back and forth, slipping her toes under my balls and lifting them; pressing down on the sensitive spot below my scrotum with her heel. I squirmed under her, my dick fully engorged and straining against the plastic sheath restraining it. Despite the device, I was fully erect, my growing dick having pulled the restraining ring away from my body so far that it was fully two inches from my pubic mound. The pressure of the ring on my trapped balls was intense but strangely pleasurable. Fortunately, my scrotum had been stretched from my many months of wearing the device so it was able to accommodate the irresistible pull of my pressurized cock.

Looking up at her crack, I remembered the Japanese rope loops I had placed at the bottom of the headboard. I reached up around my wife and felt for them with my fingers. I wiggled the loops, tickling her ass with them. She looked back over her shoulder momentarily and then looked back down at me. “Nope, none of that stuff tonight honey,” she said, dismissing any idea of bondage. Clearly, I would not be topping from the bottom this time. For the first time, she seemed to have her own ideas of what she wanted to do.

After a little more teasing with her foot, her slit just out of reach of my tongue, she shifted again and then, apparently uncomfortable with the contorted position, rose up and slid off of me, finally sitting on side of the bed near the night stand. I immediately sat up and followed, straddling her hips with my legs, pressing my plastic enclosed shaft against her butt. She rose up slightly off the bed but remained squatting over it. The invitation to me was clear as I slid further towards the edge, under her, until the top of my plastic covered erection was touching her pussy from behind. She lowered herself onto me, pressing her crotch into mine and moaning as she ground herself into me. At first I had to scramble quickly to keep my trapped balls from getting crushed. It was a very close call - that nearly ended the night with literally a whimper. But I managed to get the “boys” to safety as she slid herself back and forth on top of me.

I reached around to massage her clit but she immediately slapped my hand playfully. “No, just sit there - I’ll do this,” she said with firmness in her voice. She then went on to give me the most incredible lap dance I could ever imagine. For about ten minutes she wiggled, thrust and gyrated her bottom on my trapped cock, using her fingers to further tantalize me. By the time she was done, my erection was so insistent that it had pulled the restraining ring as far as my stretched scrotum would allow without ripping my own balls off. Looking down at it, there was this intense feeling of pleasure and satisfaction at seeing the beautifully, grotesquely stretched ball sack.

When she was done with the lap dance, she had me lie down on my back and then crawled on top of me, squirming and rubbing herself on top of me, then using her lips and tongue to excite me further, starting with deep french kisses and working her way down to my nipples, belly and inner thighs. At this point, I was jumping out of my skin with every touch of her warm, wet tongue. She smiled and giggled, enjoying her power to make me jump. Then, looking down at my imprisoned cock, she stroked it through the plastic tube, then looked back over at me and said: “I don’t know - the dice roll said tomorrow was your day to cum. I’ve had mine so maybe we should stop now?”

I was about 90% sure she was just teasing me, that she wasn’t serious, but the other 10% of doubt threw more fuel on my body that was already afire. There was a moment of silence as she dangled the key from her neck over my trapped cock and balls. Almost every fiber of my being wanted her to release me - to let me go - so I could explode in rapturous relief. I have to admit, however, that there was this other part of me that would have been deeply satisfied if she kept me locked up - exercised her absolute control over me after this ultimate tease.

But she laughed as she reassured me that she was just kidding, then took the key chain off her neck and quickly unlocked the small, heart-shaped padlocked that was holding the force of my passion at bay. Now this is where the restraints on my wrists would have come in handy. Instead of allowing my wife to take apart the CB-6000s chastity device and thereby get to handle and explore its parts, I was so eager to be set free and on my way to orgasmic release that I immediately took the thing apart myself. It was a lost opportunity of getting my wife “hands on” with the chastity device.

She began to stroke my ramrod hard dick with her hand, using some silicon lube. It felt unbelievably great - that inner pre-orgasmic vibration amped up immediately to just short of inevitability. I told her and she immediately let go. I had asked to be teased and she was going to accommodate me. It took all of my self-control not to grab my dick and finish it. I did some Tantric breathing and PC muscle control to put a brake on it and it worked - well sort of. Despite consciously holding back on contracting my PC muscles (those used to stop urination and whose contraction is necessary to trigger a full orgasm), I felt a throbbing deep within my perineum as my prostate gland began contracting involuntarily and my wife and I watched as a thin, clear, whitish fluid slowly oozed from my dick.

My wife looked at me quizzically, wondering if I’d cum. I told her “no,” it was just pre-cum and that I had a lot more left in me. She smiled and climbed on me, straddling my hips and slowly inserting my rigid rod into her pussy. The velvet soft heat of her tunnel immediately took me back to the edge. Both the moans of pleasure from me and the feeling of my rod spreading and entering her tunnel immediately raised her level of arousal as well. She had already cum twice but she had gotten greedy and wanted more.

All thoughts of another edging, more teasing disappeared as she climbed the heights again, slowly impaling herself on me - me thrusting up to meet her downward strokes. I was getting close again but I wanted to wait for her - I wanted us to cum together. After a few more strokes, I grabbed the wand vibrator where she had left it, next to me, flicked the power switch and place the vibrating head just above my deeply buried shaft, directly on her clit. She jumped and laughed, grabbing the wand from me and applying it to herself. Within a matter of seconds, I saw those telltale rapid fluttering of her lower abdomen muscles which always signaled that she was just about to cum. I let myself go - and with one more deep thrust, my orgasmic trigger was pulled.

I can’t really describe the feeling - it was a mixture of a burning sensation and an explosively expanding ball of pleasure that ripped through my groin. I began thrusting wildly, primitive cries of pure pleasure burst forth from my lips. My hips bucked upward driving my dick into her as deeply as it would go. The vibrator on her clit and my deep thrust triggered her own orgasm and her primitive cries joined mine. She began to wildly gyrate her hips and throw her head and long mane of blonde hair back and forth, whipping it around as I bucked wildly below her. It seemed to go on forever as I emptied my load into her grasping tunnel. Even after she collapsed on top of me, her wet cheek and damp hair pressed tightly against my face, my orgasmic contractions continued, until finally the last spasms died away.

I don’t know how long we lay together like that - two sweaty bodies merged into one collapsed mass, both of us only semi-conscious, but the first thing I felt was her movement on top of me and then my now semi-soft dick sliding out of her pussy. This was followed immediately by the sensation of a warm, syrupy fluid dripping onto my ball sack. There was a lot of syrup.

If you had told me six months ago when my experiment in male chastity play began that my thoroughly vanilla and somewhat prudish wife would give me a lap dance while I was secured in a plastic, locked chastity device, teasing the daylights out of me while flaunting the key, I would have said the chance of that happening was practically nil. But I was persistent and worked to a plan. Basically, I created for her a “new normal.” I slowly expanded that which she considered “normal,” to encompass male chastity devices. Through trial and error, I found the following worked for me:

1. I did not confront her and push the issue when she initially found the whole idea of my chastity bizarre and the chastity device repugnant. I continued to wear it and did not ask her to participate in putting it on me or taking it off. In fact, I did both myself in private away from her eyes. But I did let her know that I had it on each day and told her that while I was doing something nice for her without her asking me to do it. It could be anything from laundry to foot massages, but I made sure that when I told her I had it on she had a good feeling to associate it with.

2. The sex we had was less frequent but each was treated a special event and she had my undivided attention. I did some research and found some new techniques for stimulating her. Even before she began to melt a little and participate in the chastity game, she said her orgasms were the best she’s ever had and was extremely happy with my new found knowledge and techniques. I think it also pleased her that I went to the trouble of teaching myself how to pleasure her better. I also made sure that she always came first; and did my best to get her off a second time if she was up for it.

3 I gave her positive feedback, reinforcing any behavior by her which recognized my wearing of the chastity device (like feeling it through my pants and smiling) and any effort she made to play the game by teasing me. My wife’s greatest pleasure is talking while I am actively listening (no kidding), so I did my best to pay complete attention to her when she was taking. Every woman has something she loves to do. Find it and give it to her. Often it costs nothing more than your time and attention.

4. When talking about the reasons for wanting to do male chastity play, never lie but you need not reveal the whole truth either. In my case, I told her initially that I wanted to try it as a way of providing a real, powerful incentive for me to lose weight by laying off fattening foods and extra helpings. I explained that only the powerful need for sex would be sufficient to offset my appetite for the wrong foods. If I had to “earn” my releases by losing a pound, I had a better chance of following the necessary diet. This was completely true - the need for sexual release was a powerful deterrent to bad eating habits and blowing off workouts - that part was very true. Of course, I didn’t tell her all of the truth - that I had a powerful urge to be sexually submissive and that wearing a chastity device seemed to touch some central pleasurable spot in my psyche. As the weight came off, we discovered together just how amazing the sex was for both of us after my penis was isolated from all touch sensation and I remained chaste for a week or more. She was thrilled and really turned on by her new found power to make me “jump” with the slightest touch of her hand or lips. This great sex also greatly improved the rest of our relationship - we returned to the closeness and emotional intimacy we’d had as newlyweds. She was able to relax more because she finally felt in control about the where, when and how of our sexual relations.


So, is it everything I’ve always fantasized about? No, but we’re getting there, slowly but surely, in small steps. There are limits to where I can shift “normal” with my wife. She will never be a “whips and chains” Domme, but that’s okay, I’m not into the full time D’s thing either - it is strictly a bedroom game, sexual play with me. There are some things that I can accomplish though. I would like to get her comfortable with wearing my key, essentially full time. The idea of being locked up and having the key resting in the cleavage between her soft breasts is an incredible turn on for me. I’d also like to get her to experiment with at least some light bondage on me - maybe just some loops for my wrists. And, I would really like to experience a “ruined orgasm” at her hands.

Ideally, I’d like to get her to experiment with some anal play with me - my prostate is very sensitive and I’m easily aroused with play at my back door but I don’t think that’s in the cards for my very vanilla wife in the near future. Of course, I could never have imagined she’d lap dance over my CB-6000s covered dick, so you can never say never. I’ll have to give that one some thought and careful planning. Meanwhile, I will make sure she experiences the benefits of chastity play and see if I can get her to take the initiative with teasing and denial play.

I will write when there are further developments.

Kelmag