Is Eighty Percent Enough?
First, I want to start this blog entry with a special thanks to all of those who wrote to me about my previous article, “Male Chastity - Pleasure and Devotion, the Science Behind It,” telling me how much it meant to them and their partner to finally understand the source of the powerful positive emotions and mood changes that they have experienced during their adventure into male chastity. Every time I received one of those e-mails or comments, it made my day.
It has been about six weeks since my last blog entry. As I’ve mentioned before, I am not an every day kind of blogger. I write when something important happens regarding my male chastity experience. Well, something has. For the last six weeks, I have orgasmed only at the time, place and circumstance that my wife and I agreed upon. During that period, I orgasmed five times; the last of which (twice) was after eighteen days. These last two were especially sweet, not only because it was an unusually long period of denial for me (equaling my previous longest period to date), but it occurred during a two day “mini-honeymoon,” that my wife and I took together at a local resort hotel. One of the nice things about living in a resort destination, is there is always a nice vacation type hotel just minutes away.
That first day at the hotel, we got settled in, then went and sat pool side for a couple of hours as each of us enjoyed a drink and read, occasionally taking a break from our reading to hold hands like a couple of newlyweds, look at each and murmur words of affection. Then we retired to our room (which was at least a dozen rooms away from the next occupied room), while my wife changed into her “play clothes,” I laid out the various toys, lotions and potions I had brought. Still wearing my chastity device covered by a loose pair of boxer shorts, I awaited my lovely wife on the bed. After what seemed an eternity, she emerged from the bathroom wearing the sheerest black teddy you can imagine and a black, one piece garter belt and stockings with no panties. Before she even got on the bed, my cock was straining to expand, pulling the ring away from body until it stretched my scrotum and pressed hard against my balls. Even with the chastity device, I had a pretty good tent going with the loose boxers.
For more than an hour, my wife teased the heck out of me, rubbing herself all over me. After slowly drawing my shorts down over my hips and over the large bulge of my crotch, I saw just how weirdly swollen and distorted my genitals were as they strained against the chastity device and themselves for freedom. Several times during the rub and grind, she climbed on top of me, slowing dragging herself over my torso until she was straddling my face, presenting her freshly trimmed pussy for my oral attention. Nothing ever tasted as sweet. The sound of her moans, the scent and taste of her arousal, the sheer heat emanating from her crotch, aroused me like never before. I was one, all-body, sex gland, just seething, pulsing and throbbing with excitement. It felt like my whole body was vibrating, as though an electric current was running through me.
My wife, looking at my grotesquely swollen genitals, asked me, “doesn’t that hurt?” She has asked that question before out of genuine concern for me when teasing me when I was locked. This time though, the tone was different. It was sarcastic, like she was saying: “gee, look what I’ve done to you, poor dear - that’s too bad.” It was the first time she had slid into a dominant sexual role on her own during our play. It immediately ratcheted up my arousal another level, although it seemed impossible that I could be even more sexually aroused. I felt a wave of heat course through me, my face suddenly hot and flushed.
Finally, she took the key from around her neck and dangled it on front me, asking me how much I wanted it. “Badly, very badly,” was all I could get out of my arousal constricted throat. She finally unlocked me. I had the rest of it off in a jiffy and embraced her in a tight hug. For several minutes we were welded together, our lips locked, each of us trading thrusts with our tongue before swirling them around each other’s. She leaned back until she was flat on the bed and pulled me on top of her, drawing her legs up and hooking them around my lower back, pulling me close. Our lips were still locked together, tongues swirling as she snaked her hand down between us, found my ramrod hard cock and gently stroked it.
It was like touching the “third rail” but instead of pain, a thunderbolt of pleasure roared through me, expanding out rapidly from my crotch until it seemed to exit from my fingertips and toes, raising goose bumps all over my body and giving me the shivers. Even after an hour of intense, non-stop teasing, she wasn’t done with me; not by a long shot. We broke our lip lock long enough for us to make eye contact and then with eyeballs locked on each other, she took my throbbing cock and began gently rubbing it up and down her now very wet slit. A loud moan of pleasure came from both of us as she rubbed the head of my dick against her swollen clit.
“I don’t know how long I can hold out,” I said, feeling the telltale tingle at the base of my cock which signals the approach of orgasm.
“It is what you wanted, isn’t it?” she replied, reminding me without saying it of the many times I had asked her to edge me before I came.
“Yes, yes,” I managed to pant as she released her grip on my cock and disengaged our crotches, my dick losing all contact.
The feeling of impending orgasm passed as I kissed her passionately and nibbled her ear. She kneaded my ass cheeks, working her way down and then slipping a hand back between us and taking hold of my cock again. Again, she rubbed it up and down her slit. Having just experienced this, I was prepared for the feeling and didn’t let it push me over the edge. I was not quivering in pre-orgasmic arousal as I had been before so she doubled down so to speak and slipped the head of my cock into her waiting hole. That sent another bolt of pleasure through me that was so exquisitely sharp that it was almost painful. I heard her giggle and then felt her pull me out, again releasing me and pushing my hips away so my dick lost all contact.
She did this several more times, allowing the head of my cock into her, then pulling me out when she felt me start to thrust in. It was maddening and, sensing how over the top aroused and frustrated I was, laughed at the effect she was having on me. After a few moments, I calmed down. Sensing that, she took my cock again in her hand and began rubbing it up and down her slit. I could feel she was getting close as she began rubbing the head of my hot, swollen cock in small circles around her clit. Her breathing got faster; her hips began jerking in small spasms. Then her eyes closed and her chin tilted up as they always do just before she cums.
I felt her locked ankles come off my lower back, then her legs spread as wide as they could, tilting her hips up as she did this to apply more pressure on her clit from my dick head. She began humping it, rapidly thrusting her hips back and forth, moaning with each delicious increase in pressure on her clit. After just a minute or two of this, I felt her legs close up again, ankles locking and resting on the small of my back. Her fingers moved my cock head down until it was at her entrance, With a moan, she pulled just the head in. I felt her hands then reach around for my ass cheeks, fingers digging into the flesh; her ankles no longer resting but now insistently pulling me into her. We were cheek to cheek when she whispered just one word in my ear:
I didn’t need to be told twice. My own hip thrust joined her pull and I slid into her, feeling the incredible heat from her gripping tunnel. In less than a moment, I was buried in her to the hilt. Again, she gasped loudly and moaned as she began the humping motion with her hips again. Instead of withdrawing and thrusting again as every instinct in my body was telling me to do, I instead began rolling my hips up and down while still buried in her, using my pubic bone to apply pressure to her clit.
“Yes, yes, YES!” was all she said before she erupted, as she rapidly thrust her hips up as her abdominals contracted. Eyes still closed, she whipped her head back and forth, mouth wide open sucking in air as she came. After the second wild thrust and gyration of her hips, I felt that tingle of impending orgasm again. This time though, the tingle didn’t wait around for me to suppress it. It immediately ignited my orgasm. I can’t really capture in words the intensity and sharpness of the pleasure I felt, but each spasm seemed to increase in intensity as my wife continued to wildly gyrate, gripping and releasing my shaft with her vaginal muscles as she came and came.
During most of my life, orgasms were five or six seconds of pleasurable ejaculation followed by a rapid shut-down of pleasure. Since I’ve begun wearing a chastity device and going weeks without an orgasm of any kind, that has changed. The intensity of the pleasure has been magnified many fold over the pre-chastity orgasms I had experienced, and the entire experience lasts longer, sometimes much longer. The immediate spasms of orgasmic pleasure now last a good twenty seconds or more, but even more importantly, the pleasurable feeling of orgasm continue at a lower intensity without spasms for several minutes afterward. I’ve heard the effect described as a male multiple orgasm which kind of makes sense. But, the best description of this effect I’ve read in Tantric books is “full body orgasm.” It is exactly that. For several minutes, my entire body feels like it is vibrating, pulsing with pleasure that is no longer just felt in the genitals.
Exhausted, I rolled over beside her, her legs still tightly clenched around my torso. We gently stroked each other and laughed, amazed at the incredibly intense, hot sex we were having after almost twenty years of marriage. Even as newlyweds, I don’t think we experienced anything like the intensity and passion for each other that we were feeling now. We drifted off in each other’s arms and remained locked together as the room darkened with the setting sun and late afternoon turned into evening. We went out to dinner, chatted and ate and held hands in between courses. It was like the first few weeks we had dated when we could be in a room full of people but no else existed for us but each other. We both slept very well that night in the cool sheets of the very comfortable hotel bed.
We went at it again the next afternoon after a leisurely lunch overlooking the verdant hills of a nearby gold course. For a good hour and a half, we teased and aroused each other using fingers, lips, tongues and various vibrators. She came first, the wand vibrator pressed tightly against her slit while I licked, nibbled and kneaded her breasts. Then she got on all fours and offered herself doggie style, head turned sideways on a pillow, her chest almost flat on the mattress, legs spread widely. Her neatly trimmed pussy glistened with her juices in the afternoon light; her nether lips puffy and spread apart like the petals of a rose.
I entered her slowly, turning the tables on her, teasing her with shallow entries and withdrawals. I felt her thrust back, trying to capture all of me. I pulled back a little and then slowly drew the length of my shaft back and forth across her slit without entering her. She moaned loudly, then reached down between her legs, took hold of my dick and plunged it into herself, thrusting back to take all of it. We both moaned loudly as I felt the heat of her tunnel completely surround and grip me.
I began thrusting slowly, giving a little circular grind with my hips when fully in her before withdrawing until just the glans of my cock was inside her. The pace picked up and she matched my tempo. I felt her fingers reach down between our legs and gently cup my balls, then roll them around as she knew I loved. Her fingers drifted further down and found my perineum, that sensitive patch behind my ball sack. She knows that finger pressure there will ignite me in short order. She lightly massaged it and then pressed harder as I furiously fucked her, the sound of my sweat soaked hips slapping her equally wet ass cheeks filling the room.
She pressed a little harder and vibrated her fingers rapidly. She knew what she was doing. I exploded immediately, thrusting deeply in her, impaling her completely as the cum seemed to explode out of me in shot after shot. My body spasmed wildly as I emptied what was left in my balls and prostate into her. The room seemed to get darker and I felt light-headed and dizzy as I finished, her fingers returning to my balls and gently shaking and rubbing them, seeming to coax the last few drops out of them. I pulled out, seeing the white foam of my cum covering her slit as I slowly fell back onto the bed. My wife turned back around and slid in under my arm, tightly clutching my chest that was still heaving up and down trying to catch my breath.
We slept very well again that night. In the morning I put my chastity device back on. My wife smiled as she watched the procedure, shaking her head and still seaming a little bemused by it. It was as though she was saying, “It’s still a really weird looking thing, but if it’s responsible for the incredible sex of the last two days than so be it - let it be weird.”
The title of this blog is: “Is Eighty Percent Enough?” What it refers to is my estimate of how far along the path we are towards what would be an ideal sex life for us in a male chastity lifestyle. Actually, it’s how far along I think my wife is from the starting point of where she was eight months ago when this all started. You have read the description of what this past mini-honeymoon was like. It was pretty damn good. What was sex life like eight months ago when I started us down this path? Well not very good - in fact it was pretty bad and getting worse.
During the year or so before we began this adventure in male chastity, our sex life consisted of me asking or pressuring my wife for sex almost every day. She would deny me most of the time, finally agreeing once or occasionally twice a week. Most of the time the sex was listless. She showed little interest or passion and seemed mostly to be interested in getting me to cum as quickly as I could so she could be done with it. Of course, that led to a growing resentment by both of us. She resented the pressure for sex from me, feeling she was left with a Hobson’s choice of reject me completely and suffer my ire for several days, or give in and have sex when she really didn’t want to do it. As for me, I resented the constant rejection, the often totally listless performance by her and the fact that I was the one that always had to initiate sex. The problem was affecting our entire relationship making us both snippy and increasingly cold towards each other.
What accounts for the change in her libido? Much of it, I think, is simply the sudden complete removal of pressure from me for sex and the consequent removal of the biggest irritant in our relationship. We have talked about it, and I must confess I had no idea just how badly that constant conflict she was experiencing was weighing on her. Once we went to a designated day with no pressure from me beforehand, she said it felt like a great weight was lifted from her. She could hold my hand or stroke my hair without worrying that it would lead to pressure from me for more. She was free to be affectionate.
In a similar way, I felt better about not being rejected all of the time. And I certainly felt better about not having a listless sex partner when we did have sex. I found that she was being responsive to my gestures of affection with gestures of her own because she no longer feared that it would lead to pressure for sex. Moreover, I was simply in much better balance in terms of my neuro-chemistry. As described in my previous blog entry, without the frequent orgasms keeping me in low dopamine and oxytocin levels, I was just feeling better - had a much improved feeling of well-being and a powerful desire to please and be close to my wife.
There is also the fact that for the first time in a very long time, sex is now a subject for positive communication (what delightful things we want to do to each other) and not the constant source of friction and anger that it had been. She thinks about sex in a positive way now. It had been a long time since that was true.
So why only eighty percent? Why do I think we are only eighty percent of where I would like to be? Well, there are some other things that I would like to see happen in our sex life that haven’t happened yet or has not happened much. For one, I’d like to see her initiate sex some of the time. That hadn’t happened in probably ten years or more. But, I’m starting to see some of that happening now. In this last month, she actually cut short the period we were supposed to wait for our next “date,” just taking me by the hand and leading me to the bedroom. Wow, what a difference that simple act had on my feelings.
What else? Well, I’d like to have her really take control of my orgasms. Up to now, after lengthy, gentle and subtle persuasion, she now wears my key inside a special silver locket I had made for her. But, up to now, I am unlocked for cleaning daily and for sex to orgasm on a date that usually I suggest and she agrees upon. Early in our chastity experience, I asked her to decide upon a date when I would next orgasm and she said she just wasn’t comfortable doing that. Rather than push that, I backed off and spent months building a positive chastity experience for her. I think I have succeeded in doing that. She feels and acknowledges the positive changes in both of us and our relationship that a male chastity lifestyle has brought about. It may still be “weird” to her and she may not understand why I want to do this, but she can no longer deny that it is good for her as well as me.
To see if I can gently move her towards taking greater control of my orgasms, I have suggested a new set of rules for the next couple of months, ostensibly to keep our sex play new and interesting, which it does, but also to get her involved in taking some control of my orgasms to see that it can be fun for her and does not cause resentment by me (her great concern). For the next couple of months, we will be doing the following:
First, after we have sex in which I orgasm, I will go immediately back into the chastity device.
For one week after that orgasm, we will do some mostly non-sexual cuddling and talking before we go to sleep every night; well, maybe a little playful teasing but nothing heavy. There will be no orgasms for me.
To mark the end of my “cooling off” period, we will have a heavy teasing session of at least a half hour or more. This teasing can also be in the form of a “Lady’s Night,” in which I give her a full body massage with scented oils and then bring her to orgasm with fingers, lips, tongue and her favorite wand vibrator. In fact, we have done the first of these since my last orgasm on the mini-honeymoon, and it was fabulously successful. She experienced an hour and a half of total, devoted, attention from me, until she was as limp and relaxed from the massage before being turned into a writhing, moaning mass of female flesh. She finished with a crashing orgasm that had her literally crying in pleasure and happiness at the end.
At the end of the heavy teasing session (or Lady’s Night) we do a drawing from a velvet sack in which there are five black marbles and one white one. Actually, she does the drawing - I wanted even the random play to be in her hands. If a black one was picked (which it was this first time), then there is no orgasm for me in the immediate future. If a white one is selected, then I get to orgasm within three days, but at time and place of her choosing. She can either tell me when that will be beforehand or surprise me.
If a black marble is picked, we do another drawing two days later after a modest teasing session. The previously picked black ball is kept out so it is now four black balls and one white ball. And so it continues, with a black ball selection signaling wait another two days to select again; a white one meaning orgasm for me within the next three days but with the actual time and place of her choosing. We have since made this second drawing and she drew another black ball. She will select again in two days (tomorrow) with three black balls and one white ball in the sack.
This method will have me releasing sometime between 7 and 22 days with the average being about 16 days. From experience, this time period seems to work well for her too (especially with her getting a Lady’s Night or other sexual attention at least every seven days or so). But there is an additional purpose to this. That is to get her comfortable with controlling my orgasm at least for three days after the white marble is picked. Eventually, I will add days to this - one at a time until we get it up to a week after the white ball is picked. When (or if) she becomes comfortable with that, we will extend it a day or two at a time until we get it to two weeks. At that point, with the one week cooling off period, the five black balls to one white ball with selection every other day drawing and then her discretion for two weeks, we will be in the sort of chastity routine that I think I would really like and would work well for hr too.
Having her do some tease and denial of me every couple of days before the drawing will also get that delightful activity into the routine of our life; get it to the point where it is “normal” for her. I am hoping that at some point, when she comfortable with tease and denial, sees its not painful or harmful to me (her main concern she has told me) and enjoys it herself, she will begin to do it on her own initiative.
That would get us to about ninety percent of what I would like to do. What is the other ten percent? How about some light bondage (of me)? Up to now, that has been a hard limit with her. Maybe, with the continuing excitement and fun of this lifestyle she will try it. I won’t push it but I will make it ready and available from time to time to see if she will try it.
What else? How about some anal play (of me)? Until fairly recently, I would have said she would never do this - just too “weird” and she was just too fastidious and squeamish. But, I think it might be possible. I have gotten her to give me external prostate massages as part of my teasing when I’m locked up and she has seen the incredibly pleasurable effect it has on me. Maybe she would agree to do a little internal prostate massage of me with a thin vibrator or probe. Who knows? Again, it’s something I won’t push if she doesn’t want to do it but I will make the toys available from time to time.
As for my fantasy of taking a strap-on, well, I’m not sure I would even want to do this with my wife. I have never fantasized having my wife do this; it is always other women. Maybe that’s my sub-conscience telling me that it wouldn’t be a good idea to do this with my wife. It’s the sort of thing in which the after effect can be difficult to keep within the bedroom and away from the rest of our relationship. And, once done, it can’t be undone - there is no way to “unring” a bell. I am a sexual submissive but my wife doesn’t know it and I don’t think I want her to know it. My sense is that our relationship would be damaged if she did. I have not pitched male chastity using any sort of dominant/submissive kind of language or idea. In fact, I don’t even call it male chastity with her. I just refer to it as our “game,” and the male chastity device as simply “the device.” Maybe some day that will change. I hope so. I have kept this secret for a long time.
Until next time my friends -
22 hours ago