Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Longterm Chastity Devices - The Queen's Keep, A Review


As promised in my last blog entry, this entry will be pretty much devoted to a review of my latest chastity device - The Queen's Keep, made by Mature Metal.

First, a few words about the ordering process and the vendor, Mature Metal. Unlike CB type devices in which multiple sizes can be created from included parts, Mature Metal devices are custom made to the size specified by the buyer. Obviously, this puts precise measurement before ordering at a premium. More about that later. About the vendor, Mature Metal, I found them to be very responsive and they met their delivery estimate with the device sized precisely as ordered with superb workmanship. They get my highest recommendation.

I should also remark on why I am putting a device review in my blog. Well, I have two reasons. First, I firmly believe that a device is necessary for a male chastity lifestyle. I know many claim to use the "honor system," but I am very skeptical that orgasm self-denial can be maintained in the long run, particularly if frequent tease and denial is done. As I discussed in my August 2010 blog entry, "Male Chastity - Pleasure and Devotion, the Science Behind It," there is a million years of evolutionary development and some powerful biochemistry behind the male's compulsion to orgasm frequently. It would require an extraordinary degree of self-discipline, maintained over a long period of time to deny himself that release. He would have to be capable of resisting the impulse to masturbate, even when alone and "nobody would know the difference," literally thousands of times over the course of several years. Is it possible? - yes; humans are capable of extraordinary feats of self-discipline. Is it likely? - no; the vast majority of men are not capable of that sort of self-denial over the long term, and obviously it would not be the strategy of choice for adopting a male chastity lifestyle.

Second, the choice of device plays a large part in whether the male chastity lifestyle can be maintained over a long period of time. There are practical considerations of comfort, hygiene, cleanliness, impact on movement and activity as well as the security and reliability of the device. Perhaps even more importantly, how does one's mate react to seeing you in the device and physically interacting with you and it when locked up.

Like so many things in life, an opinion on something is heavily dependent and influenced by past experience with the same or similar thing. A review of a restaurant or a car would necessarily be influenced by past experience eating in restaurants or driving a car of that type. It is no different with chastity devices. Someone who is new to male chastity and has never worn a device will have a considerably different take on comfort, having always been completely free before, than someone who has worn chastity devices before and therefore has a basis for comparing one device to others.

With that said, it would be helpful to relate my experience with chastity devices so the reader will have a better idea of what I am comparing this device to. I have been using a chastity device for about a year and three quarters, with my being locked up nearly all the time for two or three weeks at a stretch for more than a year. As chastity periods go it has been fairly modest - driven mainly by my wife's desire to have a "complete" sexual experience (me cumming inside of her) about that often. It took me a while to understand this but it was not my wife's concern about my not orgasming for a lengthy time that was driving this; it was her need to bring me to orgasm inside of her. It gave her so much pleasure and satisfaction to be able to do this during intercourse, that no substitute like penetration without orgasm would suffice.

I should also explain that I am not a "pull-out" artist. In other words, I don't look for ways to defeat the security of a device. It is enough to be in a relatively secure device to deter me from masturbating. Therefore, I don't need to use the highest security device - I can place more emphasis on comfort, hygiene and appearance. I have, though, experimented with security add-ons to devices and in fact had my Queen's Keep fitted with an "anti-pullout" system that may or may not be used in the future.

With all that said - my first device was a CB-3000 which I used for a few weeks, finding it uncomfortable to wear with the hinged testicle ring. While wearing the CB-3000, I experimented with "Points of Intrigue," an erection and pull-out deterring device for short periods of time. I found it possible to wear only the smallest Points of the three provided and that only for an hour or two before the pain and irritation became too much. Wearing the medium one while looking at some porn (an an experiment to see how well the anti-erection worked), was agony and I couldn't get it off fast enough. I discovered then that I was no pain slut.

I then used the regular sized CB-6000 and, after experimenting for several weeks with different ring, pin and spacer sizes, found a combination that worked for me. I used it for about two months with generally good results. The main problems were that my wife hated how it look (she compared it to Hannibal Lecture's mask and thought I was a bit loony for wanting to wear it), the size of it - i.e. having a bulge show when wearing some types of pants, cleanliness and hygiene difficulties and lack of sturdiness (one tube split after three weeks).

Although I was skeptical about whether I could comfortably fit in a CB-6000s (s for short), I ordered one and tried it out. I found that even though I am of average size when erect, when flaccid I am quite small and could fit in the 2 and 1/2 inch tube. In fact, the smaller tube felt more snug and comfortable. I erected less in it and it had a smaller profile so no odd bulge showed in any of my trousers. My wife still disliked it but learned to tolerate it after a time.

It still had issues. In addition to my wife's dislike, there was still the problem of hygiene and cleanliness. I used every combination of soap, squirt bottles, cleaning swabs and power sprays you can imagine, but still couldn't get it clean to my satisfaction and couldn't get prevent the odor that developed after a couple of days. I finally had to go to showering twice a day and removing the device once a day for a thorough cleaning of me and it.

I used the CB-6000s for about a year with brief trials of two other devices: the birdlocked and the Lori tube - model 12B. The birdlocked is a soft plastic device that is light and flexible and uses a locked band over the testicle ring that secures a ball dividing tab that extends from the front bottom of the tube head to the testicle ring. The testicle ring was wide, making it difficult to put on and it came in only two sizes. The larger size was too big - the entire unit slid off me once in my sleep; the smaller size was too tight - it caused edema or swelling in the shaft and glans.

The Lori tube, like the Mature Metal device I am using now, is a custom made, steel device. There are a number of different models. The main selling point of a Lori tube is security - it is basically inescapable but only if the male has a piercing like a Prince Albert. Most of her models require a piercing. I ordered one of the few that did not - the model 12B. I got it with a locking bar that secured behind the head of the penis and a recessed lock. Basically, the device pulls the shaft straight down between the balls making it essentially disappear as a male appendage. The balls protrude outward on either side.

It looks damn uncomfortable but actually, it wasn't. The only problem was that without a piercing it not only lacked security against pull-out, but my shaft would literally fall out of it escaping on its own. Even with the locking bar reducing the diameter of the penis ring to less than an inch, the softness of my flaccid penis allowed it to compress to a small diameter and it would slip out on its own. Making the penis ring smaller to prevent this (I used small sections of rubber tubing over the locking bar to thicken it and give it more friction) made it difficult to put on and created swelling problems from the pressure.

To be fair to Lori, she clearly states that to be secure, a piercing is necessary. The model 12B she sold me was labeled as a "tucking" device, ostensibly for short periods of play. I did not want to get a piercing and I'm sure my wife would be so adamantly against it that it would end the game as far as she would be concerned. By the way, like Mature Metal, Lori was very helpful and responsive. If you (or your mate) want an absolutely, no-kidding, escape-proof device and you don't mind getting a piercing like a Prince Albert, then one of the Lori tube models is the device of choice.

After those two device experiments, I went back to and stayed with the CB-6000s for a year, even though the tube split twice (causing extreme pain as sensitive shaft skin was trapped in the opening of the split and squeezed badly) requiring me to buy new tubes. I never did solve the cleanliness issue so I did daily cleaning which was difficult if my wife had the key and easy if I had it but certainly reduced the psychological pleasure enjoyed from being locked up if I had the key.

I was an avid reader of Dev's blog, "The Key is on My Nipple Ring," ( with her husband, Ab, using a Mature Metal Jailbird and later adding a MM Watchful Mistress. She provided detailed photos and descriptions of both and was delighted by them. I was about to order the Watchful Mistress model when the Queen's Keep came out. The QK is a hybrid of the two other models - it has the grill work tube front of the Jailbird and the wider tube base of the Watchful Mistress. I loved the way it looked.

With a year's experience wearing a CB-6000s and general satisfaction with its fit, determining the size for the QK was fairly easy for me. The part combinations of the CB-6000s that worked for me had an oval testicle ring of 1 and 3/4 inches (1 and 5/8 inches diameter vertically), a pin and spacer combination that yielded a 3/8 inch gap between the testicle ring and the tube. The standard sized CB-6000s tube is an oval with a 1 and 3/8 inch diameter (1 and 1/4 inch vertical diameter) and a length of two and a half inches. The Mature Metal representative suggested that I go a 1/2 inch shorter on the tube length to give a snugger, more stable fit. Since changing tube dimensions after it is made is not possible (basically, you have to buy a new device), the tube dimensions are critical. To me, it seemed having a tube that was too short would make it unwearable; if it was slightly long, it might not be as snug a fit, but it would be wearable. I went with a quarter inch reduction, a length of 2 and 1/4 inch.

I also ordered two options - the locking screw instead of the padlock, and the anti-pullout device - basically a set of pins or studs with different head shapes, one of which is inserted into the tube from the top and presses against the top part of the shaft, just behind the head. The tube is then locked on.

The locking screw has two options - medium security and high security. The difference is the availability of a screw driver to open it if both screw drivers provided are lost (or if one wants to cheat and get a third screw driver). Both screws are Torx type screw. The difference between them is the medium security one has a fairly common type slot so a screw driver to fit it could be obtained from a hardware or electronic supply store. The high security screw has a unique slot arrangement and no commercial Torx screw driver will fit it other than the two provided. The two screw drivers provided are small and easy to carry, measuring two inches long with a half inch wide loop at the top to allow it to be carried on a key ring or necklace chain.

The QK is made of high quality stainless steel and should last a lifetime. It's cost of $400 (with the security screw and anti-pullout options) might seem expensive compared to the CB-6000 plastic chastity device (cost of about $150) but in the long run it is actually a lot cheaper. In the one year in which I wore CB-6000 devices (regular and short), three of the tubes split. Together with the original cost of the device (assuming I had only bought one instead of the regular and short which I actually did), that was $360 right there. It would have been only a matter of months before another tube split and then another - well you get the idea.

Okay, with those lengthy preliminaries done - how do I like the device. I can say it in two words - Love It. The fit is perfect. Without guide and locking pins like the CB, it is less bulky by a wide margin and has a much smaller profile under clothes. Although it is heavier (about 5 ozs, compared to the CB's 2.8 ozs), the weight is not felt because with its smaller profile it just doesn't get in the way. Unlike the CB with the bulging padlock resting on the top of the tube, the QK has a tiny locking screw that attaches the tube to testicle ring. You would think that a single point of attachment with no guide pins would make it unstable, but when properly fitted like mine, it is very stable and doesn't rotate when worn. The key to stability is getting the tube/ring gap right.

Although the lower profile is appreciated, the big bonus in wearability is the ease with which it and the wearer can be kept clean and fresh. Unlike the fully enclosing CB which causes heat and moisture to build up and provides a perfect medium for bacteria growth, the QK has an open grill work all around the head and shaft, all the way down to the wider bar of the base. Soap and water can easily be applied directly to the entire genital surface. A shower a day with a good anti-bacterial body wash soap and a power spray keeps it completely clean and fresh indefinitely. There is never a need to remove it for cleaning. When it is removed during play time, before it is put back on, it can be completely disinfected with boiling water - something you just can't do with a CB.

Just as important as the convenience and cleanliness, my wife is not put off by it the way she was with the CB. The ability to see and touch me through the grill work seems to be a lot less ugly and menacing to her. During tease time she not only touches my penis, but enjoys softly blowing on it and just using the tip of her tongue to arouse me. Knowing that I am completely clean and odor free also makes me a lot more confident about presenting myself to her.

Using a stainless steel device instead of plastic also sends a sort of subliminal message to my wife that this is intended as a permanent change to our lifestyle. The device will last longer than I will.

I did try out the anti-pullout studs when I first received it, while I still had access to the key while I was checking the fit and functionality of it. The studs are 3/8 inches long which effectively reduces the vertical diameter to less than an inch. I ordered one pin of each type - blunt, x'd and pointed. The blunt one was reasonably comfortable and barely noticeable while flaccid but became very noticeable when erecting. There was some modest pain at erection ( I tested it watching some porn) - enough to remind me not to do whatever I was doing or thinking that aroused me. I did not test the anti-pullout feature. It would have been painful and probably would have damaged the skin of my shaft.

The x'd stud basically has a deep "x" shape groove cut into the end of it. I did not test it watching porn to erect. The blunt ended one gave me enough of a lesson to convince me that the pain and damage done to the shaft skin would give even a dedicated pain slut pause before trying to pull out. This is probably the most effective stud if it is used for anti-pullout since it probably can be worn long term but there almost certainly be a price to pay in pain and skin abrasion just from involuntary erections.

I briefly tested the sharp end stud. It was painful while flaccid. It didn't take much of an imagination to understand that I definitely didn't want to erect in it. Removing it after only ten minutes resulted in a distinct red mark on the skin where the point pressed in. Although it will certainly prevent pullout, the wearer would have to have a high pain tolerance to wear it long term - particularly at night when involuntary erections are common. For those in a true, deeply D's relationship, I can see a use for it as an "aversion" device to discourage erection - ala "Clockwork Orange." It can also be used during play time for those who like some pain with their teasing (giving or receiving).

I also found the use of silicon lube around the inside of the ring most helpful in keeping it from sticking to the scrotal skin and causing pinching in the gap. I use a couple of drops of Pjur Eros but probably any good silicon lube would do. Just those couple of drops, applied after my morning shower, last a full twenty-four hours with needing to reapply it. I used a water based lube at first but found I needed to reapply it every four to six hours since it dried up and got tacky.

A few words about the "key." Two small jeweler sized screw drivers are provided along with two screws. I found the key to be easy to use with no slippage once it is inserted into the slot in the screw head. The way I work the keyholding with my wife is she keeps one on her house keys ring - it could be worn around her neck on a chain but she just feel comfortable doing that in public. For safety, the other key is kept by me in a small, sealed, coin envelope.

I bought a custom, round stamp that has a message around the perimeter of the stamp that says "Property of Milady B." In the center is a large, capitalized, "B" in fancy script. Throughout the rest of the stamp there is a complex, fancy design that can't be readily found on any stamp in any store. When my device goes back on after a play session, my key is put in that envelope; the envelope flap sealed, the stamp (which my wife keeps in a secret place) placed on and covering the seal edge, the envelope is dated, then clear tape is put over the stamp impression and date, and the edge of the bottom of the envelope. This gives me access to the key in an emergency but requires that I tell her about it afterward since I must show her the envelope every third day before our drawing. In the two months in which we have used this system, I have not needed to go into the emergency envelope even once.

So, to summarize, I love my new Queen's Keep chastity device and wear it continuously now, 24/7, removing it only when my wife wants me to come out and play. It is very comfortable to wear, easy to keep clean, more pleasing to the eye, unobtrusive under clothes, less bulky and does not interfere with any of my activities, which include aerobics on exercise machines, swimming and golf. It is a distinct upgrade to the CB and will probably be my final device since I don't see myself ever getting a Prince Albert or other chastity securing piercing. My cock has found a home and it is lovely, stainless steel structure.

In my next blog entry, I will describe what it was like to make love to my wife while wearing it. It was a very special experience.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

We Continue to Build and Strenghten Our New Relationship

We continue to make progress along the path of a Wife Led Marriage with male chastity. Since my last post, three important things have happened. First, we survived a fight with our commitment to this lifestyle intact; in fact, in many ways, strengthened. No need to get into the "what and why" of the fight. It was stupid like most fights are but it had the salutary effect of driving home to both of us just how important our new, special relationship was for each of us and how much we missed it when it was not there.

Second, as a result of the fight and our wonderful make-up (isn't make-up sex the best!), we decided to do a little write-up on what a Wife Led Marriage with male chastity meant to us - i.e. what our rules and expectations were. In writing it together, we discovered many misunderstandings and concerns that we never would have discovered otherwise until we stumbled over one of them. It also allowed us to really commit to the lifestyle, long term. One of the things I discovered was that my wife didn't want a time limit on this. I thought she would be more comfortable with it if I put in a six month time limit at which time we would talk and evaluate what was working and what wasn't; or simply abandon it if too many things didn't work. My wife wanted that deleted. She felt if we were going to fully commit to this, she didn't want there to be an easy exit that would allow us to abandon it without really working to fix it. I have included the write-up we did, entitled "Our Understanding." It might be helpful to others exploring the lifestyle and looking for ideas to make it work for them.

The third important thing that happened is I changed chastity devises - moving up to a metal device, the Queen's Keep from Mature Metal. Among other things it signaled to both of us that this was a long term commitment and it provided a distinct improvement to the male chastity experience for both of us. I will provide a more detailed review of the device in a future entry, but suffice it to say that my day to day life got a lot easier for me in terms of comfort and hygiene and my wife feels much more comfortable handling it (and me :)) in that device as compared to the plastic CB6000s which, even after a year, continued to be a definite turn-off for her.

So, without further ado, here is "Our Understanding":

Our Understanding

In the last year or so we have played at several games that succeeded in greatly improving our sex life and our relationship. We are closer now than we have ever been before. In the last few months we have added another dynamic to the game that is not really a game - it is a change in the way we, as a couple, make decisions in our marriage. This has taken the "game" out of the bedroom and generalized it in a way that has had a great positive effect on both us as individuals, and on us as a couple.

Along the way, we have run into some difficulties that seemed to have their source in differences in our understanding about what the "rules" of the game were and what the extent of the decision-making authority change was. Much of this difference was due to unexpressed expectations we had for ourselves and each other. Also, as is almost always the case when there are difficulties, there were also breakdowns in communication as well. This Understanding is being written to help us gain a better understanding of what we are doing, what we expect from ourselves and each other and how we can communicate better.

We have both enjoyed the benefits of these changes. We both feel a sense of closeness and trust in each other that is an improvement over where we were before and an indication of just how much more is possible. Our sex life, for both of us, has improved to the point that we never want to go back to the way it was. However, all of these benefits do not come without effort and a continuing focus on each other's needs and happiness. If we are going to continue in this wonderful place and climb even higher, we must both be committed to the things that brought it about.

This Understanding will allow us to reach an agreement and mutual understanding of what we will be doing, how we can change something if it's not working for one of us (which really means it's not working for us as a couple), and who has the authority to do what. The changes that we have made are a very modest form of what is called a wife led marriage, that is - when there is a dispute or difference over an issue, the wife breaks the tie and makes the decision. We have also added a mild form of what is often called a male chastity game. The purpose of this game is to change the mood and motivations of the male, the amount of control of sex by the female, and the decision-making dynamics of the sexual relationship. So far, it has been very successful in doing that. The wife led marriage and the male chastity game seem like two entirely different things but there are certain common features of both that make them a natural fit.

Wife Led Marriage - a Description
Basically a wife led marriage is a marriage in which both parties acknowledge beforehand that, when there is a dispute or difference of opinion on an issue in the marriage (anything that affects both of them), the wife breaks the tie and makes the final decision, with that decision being accepted by the husband without argument or rancor. We have adopted a very mild form of this in which the wife's final decision-making authority only comes into play on issues that affect us as a couple and only after we have had a discussion about the matter and reached the conclusion that we are at an impasse and each can't convince the other of the correctness of their view. We have adopted this form of decision-making because, after long experience, we recognize the following:
1. On balance, B's decision-making is better because she takes more factors into account and is more sensitive to the feelings of others affected by the decision. We both recognize that she will not always arrive at the best decision - no human being is always right; but more times than not, her decisions will be better than K's when there has been a dispute and they can't agree on the best course of action;
2. We have recognized that disputes tear at the fabric of our relationship. They often become bitter and spill over into other, seemingly unrelated areas causing a domino effect of disputes and hard feelings;
3. That when we have an equal power in decision-making and neither of us can convince the other of the correctness of our respective views, the decision never really gets made, the argument continues and often one or the other will act on their own view independently which creates anger and distrust in the other. Whereas, if one of us has a final authority to decide, then disputes don't continue and spread as long as we agree beforehand on that authority and there is no resentment or rancor - no "I told you so's" if the decision turns out to be wrong. It would work if either of us had the final authority, but since B's decisions are generally better, not affected by male ego or stubbornness as K's often are, then it makes sense for B to have this final authority.
4. K is willing to give up this authority to B because he recognizes that no possible issue in dispute is worth damaging his relationship with B, and frankly, he recognizes that things run much more smoothly if disputes get resolved immediately with a final decision. K will no longer feel the need to "defend" his position or assert his male authority when it has been agreed beforehand that B will make any necessary final decision to resolve a dispute. This lowers K's level of stress considerably.
5. This system will work only if B and K trust each other completely - that B will take K's opinion into account when making a final, tie-breaking decision; and that K will support B's decision once it is made without hard feelings or criticism.

We both agree that this tie-breaking, decision-making authority extends into all areas of the marriage on matters that affect both of us, without limitation or restriction.
When in public, or in the presence of other people, we will make no special attempts to either display this decision-making power in our marriage or to hide it. We will simply discuss an issue as we ordinarily would and if there seems to be a difference in our opinion and a decision can't wait, K will simply accept B's view and support it.
With respect to the handling of household chores, we have had no difficulty in the past dividing them or pitching in to help the other with a task. There is no current reason to change this but this area is always open to discussion, review and change.
Similarly, with respect to the way our finances are managed and controlled, we have had no difficulty in the past in the way this has been done and there is no current reason to change it, but this area is also always open to discussion, review and change should it become necessary.

B and K both recognize that this change to our decision-making system does not alter the fact that both of us are of equal value to the marriage and deserve an equal amount of respect and consideration from each other. To ensure we communicate about any issues that might be troubling us about this system or anything else in our marriage, we both agree to have a dedicated meeting at least once a week to discuss it.
This Understanding that we will use a wife led system on decision-making to break an impasse will be in effect until we decide otherwise. Changes or additions to this system can be proposed by either of us but will not be made unless we both agree to it.

The Male Chastity Game
We have been playing with male chastity as part of our sexual relationship for over a year. We have found that it has provided a huge boost to the pleasure and satisfaction of our sexual relationship.

For B, the main benefit has been her control over when, where and how sex takes place and her complete freedom from pressure for sex from K. She has also benefited by the change in K's mood, attitude and sensitivity during periods when he is chaste and the passionate, explosive sex when his release is allowed. B also enjoys sexual play and attention whenever she desires, including orgasm, without worrying about K reaching orgasm.

For K, the main benefit has been the tremendously magnified intensity of his pleasure when he does release. K has also benefited by the feelings of pleasure he gets from the continuous state of arousal he feels between orgasms - particularly when regularly and creatively teased and denied by B. Equally beneficial to K is the pleasure he gets from seeing that B is totally into it when they do have sex - that she is reacting with passion to him, whether or not K gets to orgasm himself. K also benefits from the powerful bonding feelings he has towards B during his chaste periods and the pleasure he gets from doing things for her. K also feels that because of his change in mood and attitude, he is a better husband and a better father.

The "Rules" of the Game as we presently play it:
The most important rule and the one that governs every other rule, is B can change or ignore a rule whenever she chooses to without having to explain why. B is responsible for letting K know whether any rule change is temporary, i.e. just for that moment or day, or whether it is a permanent change to the way we will do things. The guiding principle for this and for every rule is the recognition by both that K is always ready for sex in all its many and varied forms, whereas B is only sometimes ready for sex and sometimes likes or doesn't like one or more of the many forms of sex, depending upon her mood at the time. We both know that for the sex to be satisfying for both of us (and each of us), we must both be totally into it - that is, we must both want sex and that type of sex at that particular time. Therefore, it is commonsense that the when, how and where of sex should be done in accordance with B's mood and desires because it will almost always be desired by K whatever the time, place or form.

We are currently doing the following which results in K being allowed to orgasm every 3 to 30 days depending upon luck and B's final choice on time:
1. K wears a chastity device at all times to ensure he remains chaste, i.e. does not orgasm between those times when he is allowed to orgasm. This has the effect of building sexual tension within him which he perceives as pleasure and it elevates his mood and makes him more cooperative and loving towards B. The device comes off for only two reasons: for a scheduled cleaning (currently every third day, with the knowledge of B), and during sexual play but only when B decides she wants it off, either for a tease or for a full sexual encounter.

2. We use a sack that starts out with 7 black marbles and 1 white marble. Every third day we have a "drawing," in which, after spending some time cuddling and/or teasing K or enjoying the focused attention of K, B draws a marble from the sack. If it is a black marble, then K may not orgasm for at least three more days; that black marble is removed from the sack leaving 6 black and 1 white marble for the next draw; and another drawing is done after three days (or longer if it is not practical on the third day). This continues until a white marble is selected.
3. B is entitled to as much sexual attention and orgasms as she wants regardless of whether B has selected a black marble or a white marble. "Lady's Nights," in which K (still enclosed in his device) focuses all of his attention on B with foot and body massages, until she is completely relaxed and, should she desire it, releases.

4. At any time during a "black ball" period, B may sexually tease K to the edge of orgasm as many times as she desires. This may be with or without a chastity device on K. K enjoys all forms of tease and denial and especially enjoys focusing his attention on pleasing B and bringing her to orgasm.
5. Should a white marble be selected, K is entitled to orgasm sometime in the near future, at a time and place, and in a manner decided by B. Previously, we had used a five day hard limit as to when this could occur but our recent change making it a soft time limit that can be expanded by B without explanation has opened up more pleasurable opportunities for tease and allowed B to choose the best time for the actual release. To ensure there is every opportunity for exquisitely intense tease and denial, K does not orgasm unless and until B says he can even during a sexual encounter that ostensibly is for his release.

6. Since B often does not want physical attention herself when teasing K, K returns the attention by giving B a coupon for 2 hours of free time. This coupon can be used to have K take over a chore or responsibility of B's that would otherwise consume her time. Teases that are especially lengthy, creative or elaborate are awarded double credit, 4 hours. The coupons can be used at any time and for any reason (or no reason) by B but each coupon has an expiration of 30 days from the date it was issued. This encourages actual use of the coupon since coupons will expire if they are not regularly used.

After discussion, the following new, additional rules have been approved:

I. B can preempt any drawing by simply declaring what the result will be for that drawing - either a black or white marble. If B declares a black marble, one black marble will be removed from the sack just as it would be if it had been picked and K will not be allowed to orgasm for at least three more days. If B declares a white marble, K may be allowed to orgasm anytime afterwards, including that day (or elaborately teased and denied that day).

II. At any given drawing, B can decide to add one or more black marbles to the sack instead of drawing a marble out; or B can cancel one or more drawings. This can be done for any number of reasons, including: B's desire to experiment with lengthening K's chastity period, adding some psychological tease to heighten K's sexual tension, or to do a little behavior modification on K when he has been argumentative, uncooperative or shown a bad attitude. It can also be done for no reason at all except that B wants to do it.
III. Any permission given by B for K to orgasm can be taken back by B at any time before K does so. This will add enormous sexual tension and urgency to any sexual encounter once K has been given permission to orgasm. It will also allow B to experiment with intense tease and denial.

IV. During sexual intercourse, B may direct K to stop pumping and remain perfectly still inside her; or to pull out and remain perfectly still at her entrance while she finishes herself off; or to pull out and use lips and tongue to bring B to orgasm; or to pull out and finish himself off.
V. After orgasm by K, B will direct when K should put his chastity device back on. If not told by B to do so, K will, in any case, put the device back on within 24 hrs.

Chastity Holidays
A chastity holiday is a period in which K does not wear a chastity device. Although not wearing a device, he remains honor bound not to orgasm outside of B's presence or without her permission. A chastity holiday can be declared by B for any reason but will usually be reserved for periods when they are traveling, staying over with friends or relatives or when they treat themselves to a "hotel weekend." K may request a chastity holiday but must get approval from B before the device is removed.

Expectations, Desires and Communication
It is very important that we feel comfortable communicating our expectations (of both ourselves and each other) and our desires in this game. We must never be afraid to tell each other when something is not working for them or needs to be changed. The recent experience of the dice and cards was a good example of one of us not being sensitive to the feelings of the other using "scripted" activity and the other not expressing themselves about that for fear of angering or disappointing her mate. Whether it's by talking or sending little notes to each other, it is so important that we continuously communicate our feelings and desires.
Sometimes we are so in sync that we can complete each other's sentences or know exactly what the other will say. Unfortunately, other times we don't have a clue as to what the other is thinking or feeling and will stumble along oblivious to the hurt they may be causing. We also have the "Mars," - "Venus" barrier - men and women feel and react very differently to some things. This is particularly true about sex. All we can do is accept that the other person is feeling the way they do, even if we can't understand or relate to it, and respect those feelings.

With respect to "expectations," we can't help having them, both for ourselves and for each other. The most important expectation we have for each other is that we will continue to love, honor and cherish each other. It would also be helpful if each of us made a short list of commitments, things they will do to ensure the other's expectations are met and that this will continue to be a source of pleasure for us and a powerful support for our relationship.

K commits to the following:
1. Never to ask for or otherwise pressure B for sex or teasing. One of the central benefits of this game for B is her freedom from that pressure and her control over when, where and how sex occurs.
2. To accept that B is not always in the mood for playful or sexual contact, particularly in the mornings, and not to complain about it.
3. To demonstrate by word and action my joy and appreciation for all B does to make this game of ours work for both of us.
4. To be a source of joy and pleasure for B.
5. To do all that I can to understand and to meet her expectations for me.

B commits to the following:
1. To tease whenever - surprise or not;

2. Getting shitfaced on surprise and having great sex;

3. Book hotel nights when K least expects it;

4. To make K happy and feel totally loved (easy to do); and

5. Getting used to the idea that I can be selfish [about taking sexual pleasure] and K is still happy!

Authority to Change the Game
B is authorized to change any part of the game at any time so it suits her needs. These changes can be a one-time change, a temporary change or a permanent change to the way it is done. B need not have or explain the reason for a change to K. B can suspend or terminate the game at any time, for any reason.
K may propose changes to the game but any changes must be approved by B before it becomes effective. K can propose suspension of the game for reasons of illness, schedule or travel conflicts. The suspension is not effective unless approved by B.

In loving commitment to each other, we have reached this Understanding.

Popular Posts