Slow and Steady Progress - Tantric Techniques Help
It has been four weeks since my last blog entry. I don’t like to write just for the sake of writing. I will never be a “daily” blogger. But after four weeks, there have been some changes - some progress, so I thought I would relate it and explain how it came about.
First, in the last four weeks I have had four orgasmic releases - one a week on average; that’s not bad. The actual period between them varied from 13 days to 3 days. The 13 day period was difficult but not as difficult as I thought it would be. My next release is scheduled for this Saturday, May 8th, seven days after my last one.
We are continuing to use dice to establish the date of my next release during a short “roll ceremony” in which we light candles, talk about how we are doing with this and then roll the dice. We have ditched the black/white marble selection. My wife reports that this is one of her favorite parts of this lifestyle change - providing some close “together” time where we can talk about what we are feeling, and giving her a date for our next full sexual encounter so she can relax and not worry about being confronted or pressured by me for sex before then.
One of the things I discovered during our talks was that previously, the uncertainty of when I would want sex made her very uneasy - she never knew when I would put her on the spot to have to immediately decide either to accept my proposition (even if she wasn’t in the mood) or reject me. It made both of us resentful and angry - she being surprised and put on the spot; me feeling like she was only going through the motions or outright rejecting me. Without this change in our lifestyle, I never would have known how disruptive that was to our relationship and how much she resented having to tiptoe around that ever-present elephant in the room. Moreover, whereas before she always felt nervous about being “playful” with me when she wasn’t in the mood for sex, worried that I would misinterpret her intentions and escalate the play into intercourse, she now feels free to be playful, freed from that worry.
It is not all good news. She is still very hesitant, even squeamish about having anything to do with my CB-6000 chastity device. She won’t put it on me, take it off me or ask me directly about whether I have it on. She won’t have anything to do with controlling when I put it on or take it off - hence I am not using a lock on it, only a lanyard hook or clip to keep it on. But, there is a glimmer of light - lately, when we kiss and hug, particularly when one of us is leaving or arriving back home, I can feel her checking me out - seeing if I have it on. Sometimes the checks are meant to be surreptitious; other times she gives it a couple of pats and smiles at me. For her, this is a huge breakthrough. I am now wearing it about 23 of every 24 hours - taking it off for brief periods in the morning and evening to shower, clean the device and change over from the larger ring, tube and pin I use at night (to deal with night/morning involuntary erections) to the smaller components I use during the day to make it easier to conceal.
I had a little epiphany of my own which I think led to the progress we have had in establishing the chastity lifestyle. The bright insight that hit me was this whole thing stood a much better chance of success if I stopped trying to convince her to accept and participate in the things that were important to me but she was most resistant to and concentrate on those things that were important to me but gave her ease and pleasure, even if she didn’t completely understand it all. So, about a month ago, I began focusing this change in our lifestyle on things that were immediately beneficial and/or pleasurable for her.
As strange as this might sound, the course of our relationship might have been changed by the simple act of my doing the laundry on my own initiative one Sunday afternoon while she was out. It was a chore she really disliked and always complained about but did it anyway, partly because I don’t think she trusted me to be able to figure out what got washed with what and what got dried in the dryer or hung up; and partly because it was the way the division of domestic chores gravitated, particularly after I took over all food shopping and cooking chores about ten years ago. I did sheets, towels, her clothes and mine - six loads of laundry, without making any mistakes. Wow -
She was incredibly grateful that I had done this without her even asking me. She said she dreaded coming home that afternoon with all of that laundry awaiting her. When she asked me why I had done it, I told her the truth, that one of the well documented effects of voluntary chastity on men in general and me in particular was it gave us, me, a powerful desire to please our mate, to do things for her. It gave me pleasure to do that laundry for her and see the look of surprise, joy and relief on her face.
This laundry event coming just a few days after the first “Lady’s Night” (described in detail in my previous blog entry) caused a gradual but significant shift in her thinking about this new chastity thing I had introduced into our relationship. She told me that she had noticed that I was being more attentive to her in the last month, listening to her, really paying attention when she spoke and offering more empathic responses. The light was coming on for her that there were real benefits to her in this arrangement - it was not all about playing some new, weird sexual game to satisfy some odd desire in me.
I think another breakthrough occurred when, in the last three weeks, we did two “Lady’s Nights,” much like the previous one but both times with me not enclosed by the chastity device. I wanted to demonstrate that I could refrain from seeking sexual release even when clearly and visibly aroused by focusing on giving her pleasure. Those two additional very enjoyable experiences for her started to shift her thinking about the inevitability of a man’s single-minded pursuit of sexual release whenever he is aroused. Maybe she was given a good “blue balls” story in her youth and it has colored her view of men’s control of their sexual reaction - i.e. that they have no control once aroused. But, she is finally starting to believe that this is not true for me and, what’s more, it is not painful in the least for me to be sexually denied (or more accurately deferred); in fact I find the increase in sexual tension and the ability to serve her and bring her pleasure intensely pleasurable for me - maybe not orgasm level pleasurable but very nice nonetheless and the deferral, the tease, the edging and peaking that occurs before my sexual release greatly magnifies the feeling of pleasure I get when I finally do release.
There has been one other important factor in the positive shift in her thinking. The book I mentioned in my last blog posting is titled “Tantric Secrets For Men” by Kerry and Diane Riley. It is available at Amazon -
The book has really improved our ability to communicate with each other about our emotional and sexual feelings. It has given us the language and opportunities to do this and a number of sexual techniques that both of us have found very pleasurable. The book is more than a sex book - actually it is a book about building and strengthening the bonds of love and trust between two people in a committed relationship (married or long term). There are a number of techniques and exercises, what the authors call “practices”, which are of particular interest to those in a male chastity lifestyle relationship - such things as male ejaculation control (things he can do and things they both can do to prevent his ejaculation while still bringing pleasure to the male); and goddess worship - lavishing your female significant other with undivided attention to bring her sexual pleasure through a variety of techniques which are well described in the book. We’ve used some of them already and they definitely work for both of us.
So the process continues - it will not all be as I want it to be tomorrow or the next day, the next week or the next month. It’s going to take awhile and I intend to enjoy every bit of the journey. In the coming weeks and months, I will write from time to time to report progress, setbacks, thoughts and feelings on how we are doing. All comments and suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
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