18 hours ago
Friday, May 6, 2011
A New Day Dawns
So much as happened in the last month that I'm not sure where to begin. First, notice the change in title - The "Secret Chastity Husband" title is now "Chastity Husband - No Longer Secret, and Now Wife Led." Now, my wife has known for some time that I've been wearing a chastity device, but until this month has not really understood why I'm wearing the device. Second, the addition of "wife led" means that I am now in a wife led relationship and my wife fully accepts this change in our relationship. Whew! That's a lot of change for one month.
So, how did this all happen? Well, it started with my finding a web site, a blog actually, entitled "Worshipping Your Wife" (http://worshippingyourwife.blogspot.com). It is a blog about "Wife Led Relationships (also variously and apparently interchangeable called "Female Led Relationships" and "Loving Female Authority") and how adopting this lifestyle can improve and energize your marriage or relationship. It was interesting stuff, with blog entries going back several years. It was interesting enough that I bought the book of the same title, "Worshipping Your Wife," by Mark Remond.
Well, I received the book and read it quickly. It is a concise, well written 99 pages on why and how to adopt a wife led relationship. Reading the book, I had one of those "Eureka" moments where you suddenly realize what the solution is to a long standing problem.
What Mark Remond had done was write a book about a purely vanilla form of female domination where there is in fact no mention of the phrases "female domination," "submissive," "slave," "D/S," "BDSM," "Cuckolding," "Dominatrix, or any other of the many kinky practices and phrases." Now there are any number of Femdom and Chastity blogs and books but all of them I have found are thoroughly littered with the words and phrases of kink that would shock and repel those people (particularly women) who think of themselves and sex in purely vanilla terms. Even the very well written and valuable book, "Be Careful What You Wish For - A Guide to Male Chastity," by Sarah Jameson, is replete with those terms. Although she goes to great pains to explain that male chastity need not include those kinks, the very mention of those words in association with male chastity made her book unusable to me as far as using it to introduce my wife to the male chastity concept.
Basically, the book instructs the husband to do six things to make this work:
1. Realize that the "the thrill is gone," and that a wife led relationship is a great way to get it back.
2. Save his sex energies for his wife. This means no more masturbation, period. Although he doesn't mention "male chastity," as this is a vanilla book, it certainly provides a powerful reason for it should the wife adopt the lead.
3. Make her his fantasy. That is, make your wife the center of his inflamed imagination and fantasy. Well, those of you are chaste know that is exactly what happens after a week or so in lock up. Again, the concept dovetails well with the male chastity lifestyle.
4. Court her every day, attempt to win her anew. Basically, he says that the man courts her and as in most courtships, the man proclaims his every readiness for sex but the woman decides when (or if) sex will happen. Remond writes persuasively that generally men are always ready for sex and women must be in the right mood before they will seek and enjoy sex. As the sex is not enjoyable unless both partners want it, it makes sense to let the wife decide when (or if) sex will happen.
As part of this concept, Remond writes about adding extended tease and denial sessions to spice up the marriage sex; and that wives may well want to ration their men's orgasms to keep them intensely interested and focused on them. Bingo! This is the central idea behind the male chastity lifestyle and naturally flows from it. He borrows liberally from a work by Lady Misato called "Real Women Don't do Housework," (also a web site by that name) a somewhat kinkier presentation of the same idea of Wife Worship.
5. Pamper her and pitch in around the house. Again, this flows naturally from male chastity as the buildup of oxytocin during a male's chastity creates a powerful desire to do things for his beloved. Those in a male chastity relationship will recognize the pattern.
6. Dare to be known by her. This means communicate your feelings and even, at the appropriate time and setting, your innermost needs and desires. Again, this is central to a successful male chastity relationship.
After reading the book, I knew I was ready to adopt a Wife Led Relationship. The question was, whether my wife was ready to assume the lead in our relationship - not as an occasional bedroom game played while both of us have an alcohol buzz and are sexually inflamed, but as a part of our regular life, in the cold sober light of day. I determined that the only way to answer that question would be to conduct an experiment.
For the many years we have been married, vacation planning has always been a source of dispute and argument, often extended and heated arguments. Well, it was time to start planning our summer vacation for this year and it seemed a perfect opportunity to test out my own ability to be wife led in day to day life and, more importantly, to test whether my wife could assume and be comfortable making decisions for us.
The vacation planning started as it usually did with my wife on the computer checking out various options. In the past, I would look over her shoulder and make critical comments about this choice and that choice. This would often lead to extended arguments. It's funny - in our marriage we argued about few things. We never argued about money, or chores or even in-law issues (her late parents were both dolls and I enjoyed their company). For some strange reason, vacations was a continuing hot spot for us.
This time, when my wife started her computer research, I went in and knelt next to her. In a soft voice I said that this year I wanted the vacation decisions to be different. This year, I said, "I am giving you the complete authority to plan any vacation you want, anywhere you want." She looked at me like I was either joking or a little nuts. But I persisted - "No kidding, it's your decision. I will agree to and support any choices you make with no carping afterwards."
"Any vacation," she said. "Even a cruise in the Mediterranean," she tested me.
"Even a cruise in the Mediterranean," I replied.
She was incredulous and eyed me suspiciously, remembering the knock-down, drag-out fight we had last year over taking a cruise in which I finally torpedoed the idea.
"It's all in your hands dear," I said. "I have complete confidence that you will make good decisions. You always do. So let's try a way of doing this that does not involve fights or an uproar. I will go anyplace and do anything you want to do."
"Okay, if you really mean it," she said smiling while suppressing the desire to laugh out loud in surprised relief.
Well, needless to say, she did a complete, thorough job of planning our vacation. It's probably not what I would have chosen for me, but if it makes her happy and allows me to demonstrate that she can lead, then it's perfect and I told her so. I said I was delighted with her choice and we really should do things this way more often because it cuts down on a lot of grief and her choices are always the best choice anyway.
She was practically beaming when I spoke, praising her planning work. She agreed that this was a much better way of doing things. Later, over a glass of wine and a foot massage, she told me just how enormously relieved she was that we weren't going to have a "vacation argument" this year. She said she felt an enormous weight was lifted from her, knowing that whatever her choice, it would not face criticism and argument from me.
Her words about feeling "an enormous weight was lifted from me," mirrored the same thoughts expressed to me last year when I told her that she would be in control of when we would have sex. There would no longer be pressure from me, either explicitly or implicitly. I could feel the tumblers clicking in that would allow me to open the stubbornly closed lock of our male chastity relationship.
The bridge to connect vanilla to kink had been built for me. Now I just needed to put it in the right place, at the right time.
At about the time this was happening, I had been in chastity about two weeks and was feeling a little ignored. It had always been difficult to get my wife to do tease and denial, especially when I was in my chastity device. Even after a year, without alcohol to loosen her inhibitions, she was still reticent about touching it and me when I was wearing it. She almost never initiated teasing on her own and my asking her to do it smacked of asking for sex, the very thing I said I wouldn't do.
Part of the problem was, she didn't seem to get anything from teasing me when she was completely sober and not in the midst of sex. The other part of the problem was that, in her vanilla mind, sexual play only happened during sex that led to intercourse and seemed out of place or inappropriate during a day's "normal" activities. My thinking was if I solved the first problem, made sure she got something out of it, then she would do it on her own initiative more often and that would solve the second part of the problem because with repetition would come the sense that it was a normal activity even outside of sex that led to intercourse.
So, after a good tease session (that I had gently intimated that I would sure like), I wrote her a note, as I often do to express myself about things that are sensitive and require the right choice of words and her undivided attention. Here is the part of note concerning making tease work for her too:
Just felt like writing you another note - it's been awhile since my last one. First, I so enjoyed the little tease session this morning. I know mornings are not your best time for contact and communication, so I especially appreciate the effort when you make it. I also know that you like your space in the morning and do not want any reciprocal touch from me ("I'm okay . . ." ). It bothered me a little this morning that I was not able to show my love for you in a tangible way that you would like.
I gave it some thought this morning about how I can demonstrate my love and affection for you, especially when you go out of your way to do something very nice for me. I ran down the mental list of "usual suspects" of things I can get for you: flowers? Nope, they die in a few days and anyway, you've never seemed particularly thrilled about receiving them. Candy? Double nope - chocolate is not your thing and you are being careful with your cholesterol so I wouldn't want to sabotage you. In the past, I've volunteered to do chores - laundry and such to show my appreciation - even gave you coupons for it as I recall, but you never used them. A mushy note? Yes, but I'd also like to give you something more tangible than that.
I remembered a conversation we had (yes, I do actually listen from time to time) in which you said that you really enjoy just having some time of your own - to shop, do your nails, just relax and read a magazine or do anything else for that matter. You are so often tightly scheduled that I can understand how just having some time to yourself would give you a big lift.
So - I'd like to give you that gift in love and appreciation for everything you do for me . . . and for us as a family. I came up with another coupon idea, but this time, instead of a particular activity, the coupon is good for "2 hours of Free Time for M'lady" (okay, it's a little corny, but I like the sound of it - I do think of you as "M'Lady" - My Lady, for whom I'd like to do things, gallant or otherwise).
The coupon can be used at any time, for any reason, or even no reason - just because you'd like a couple of free hours. Just hand it to me (with a smile) and tell me what 2 hours you want covered. For example, if you'd like some time to yourself on an afternoon, just hand me the coupon and let me know you want to use it. I will take over whatever errands or chores you had for the day. You can accumulate any number of these you want and spend them one at a time or all at once (think weekend Vegas trip with your girlfriends).
Each coupon has a thirty day expiration date on it just so you will use them and not just toss them in a drawer and forget about them. I really do want you to use them and not feel guilty about having me take over a task you normally do. I want to do this for you and it will give me great pleasure if you make full use of it.
As for when I will give you these coupons - well you can certainly expect to get one whenever you do a little tease session with me. It is the one way I can show my love and appreciation for something that you might not always be in the mood to do, but do it for me nonetheless. And you can be very creative with the tease - it need not even be "hands on". Something like putting on some sexy lingerie and doing a little tease and grind will do the trick; as will your basic kissing make-out session on the couch or anywhere else for that matter. The greater the variety and surprise, the better. Whatever will add fun and spice to our life works for me. It would be my great pleasure to give you 2 hours of free time for 15 minutes of tantalizing fun.
I will also pass them to you with a note whenever I am feeling the urge to do something special for you (which is often these days). Coupons and notes might turn up at any time, in any place, for any reason, or for no reason in particular - just that I love you.
Well, it worked - in spades. I no longer had to ask for tease sessions. She now does them often, almost every day and lately with little surprise twists (like stocking covered foot jobs on the couch while still enclosed in my device. Wow!
She has used the coupons for time off to do whatever - usually having me take over an errand or chore that she normally does. Even so, she has accumulated quite a collection and expect her use to speed up as the expiration dates on the first ones are being reached. Do I hear all day treatments at the spa while I clean house and do laundry?
In talking about the coupon for tease exchange about a week after it started, she was very excited about the whole idea and wondered why we didn't do something like that earlier. I said I didn't know but making up for lost time should be a lot of fun. My wife is now an enthusiastic tease and denier and is developing a wonderful skill for taking me as far as my chastity device will let me go.
Among other things, she has discovered external massage of my prostate and now delights in "milking" a few drops from me. Perhaps that will someday lead to doing internal prostate massage - real milking, and ruined orgasms. I don't know if that will happen, but the possibility is now there where previously it just flat wasn't.
It is enough for now that my wife has discovered my prostate and the intense pleasure she can give me by manipulating it.
There is more to the story but it will have to wait. I need to get ready for a weekend date with my wife at a local hotel. Although I am still under a blackball, she has hinted that I will get a release provided I'm "good." I will continue the story when I get back. Look for a new blog entry in a few days - it will include a pretty hot story of unintended tease and denial. Until then, may your Mother's Day weekend be as exciting and fun as I think mine will be.
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