Can it really be four weeks since my last blog entry? Much as happened since then. First, the diet worked. I registered the loss of my fifteenth pound on day 61, just one day behind schedule. I am now a svelte 169 lbs. The overwhelming desire for sex worked perfectly to counterbalance and defeat the powerful urge to eat.
I also learned some other things along the way. First, what I would call “The Chastity Effect,” that oft reported change that occurs in the chaste husband making him much more cooperative, helpful and attentive towards his wife, is real. I certainly felt it and my wife was often surprised, even astounded by it. I found that I couldn’t do enough for her - I did laundry, made dinner, washed dishes, straightened up the house and did household repairs throughout the extended chastity time without prompting or direction from my wife; and I did it because I wanted to do it - I wanted to help her, to please her.
I have read of this effect in other marriages where male chastity is used, with the wife controlling whether, when and how sex happens, and it is always chalked up to the husband’s desire to influence his wife to obtain sexual release at the earliest possible time. But in my case, my wife was never controlling the whether, when and how of sex. I was, at least indirectly, by my weight loss. If I lost the pound, we had sex. If I didn’t, we didn’t. Yet I felt the same urge to help her, to be more attentive towards her. I think I gave her more foot massages in the last six weeks than in the previous twenty years of our marriage. So, there is something else at work here; whether physical or psychological, there is definitely an effect that goes beyond the simple purchase of sexual favors with better, more cooperative behavior.
We have also both experienced the best, most fabulous sex in the last six weeks; ever since I started wearing the chastity device almost full time. Again, there seems to be both physical and psychological reasons for it. For me, the radical reduction in the number of sexual releases I had (essentially daily before this, now once about every 7 - 14 days), certainly caused a build up of hormone levels in me, not to mention the build up of sperm and semen in my various glands and ducts; but here was also something else, some additional physical effect that comes from the sensory isolation of wearing a chastity device.
During the first few weeks of this experience, before I was wearing the chastity device or wearing it only for a brief time each day, the sex I had with my wife was very good - I felt the greater urgency and excitement from the abstention. But when I started wearing the device essentially full time, I noticed something else, something in addition to the urgency and excitement that came from abstention. It was a change, a very marked change in the intensity of pleasurable feeling I received when my penis was touched and caressed. It was like all of my sensory nerves and the pleasure centers of my brain that interpreted those nerves were hooked up to amplifiers. Simple touches, strokes and licks of my shaft brought near orgasmic sensations of pleasure that caused my abdominals to spasm in response. Actual orgasm, when finally reached, was so intense and long lasting that I can only describe it as a kind of ecstatic bliss - an overwhelmingly intense pleasure sensation that washed through my entire body in waves for an extended period of time.
The first time that happened, after wearing the device almost full time for a week, I chalked up as kind of a fluke - a onetime event that couldn’t happen again. But it did, the next time and the next and then next and then a fifth time. The really interesting part of this was not the effect on me, although was too incredible to really describe; it was the effect on my wife. Whereas, previously she had been uninterested in sex, easily able to take or leave it, she now was experiencing incredible orgasms of her own, even during intercourse itself which she had almost never done before.
We talked about it after I revealed all of the facts behind my chastity-diet experiment (she hadn’t known about the chastity device or my previous frequent masturbation), and she thought there were several factors at work for her. First, she was reacting to my obviously overwhelming feelings of pleasure that she was able to give me and it totally racheted up her own passions. Seeing what her touch - her hands and her lips could do to me empowered her in a way she had never felt before. Second, she could completely relax about the “when” of sex, since I told her each morning about my weight loss success or lack of it so she was able to track it along and know when we would be having sex. Before this, I would ask or propose it to her (or do things that strongly suggested I wanted sex) every few days and she felt stressed from either having to reject me if she wasn’t in the mood and deal with my usual reaction to rejection (not good), or go through the motions of having sex with me so she wouldn’t have to go through a rejection confrontation. Believe me, I knew when she was totally disengaged and just going through the motions, which unfortunately was often. Masturbation was more satisfying.
It is kind of interesting how I told her about the chastity device and prior frequent masturbation. When I got within a couple of pounds of my goal, I told her that we had to find a way to keep this great thing we had going, both in terms of sex and our closer relationship (all that attentiveness and helpfulness around the house had really endeared me to her in a way that I hadn’t felt since the early “honeymoon stage” of our marriage) because I couldn’t continue much longer to do it on the basis of weight loss - my ribs were starting to show through, and this great lover she now had would literally just “fade away.”
Then I did what I always do when I want to really express myself. I wrote. I wrote her an eight page love letter describing how I felt about her, and how I felt about the last six weeks of blissful sex and the even more blissful relationship. I broke the news about the use of the chastity device and how I had needed it to keep the sexual urge motivation and incentive to succeed at the weight loss. I showed her the device, put together but not on me. I wanted her to examine it; to see it for herself.
Knowing her as I do, her reaction was not that surprising. After a cursory look at the device, she asked me if I had really worn this all the time and I told her I had, for about the last six weeks. She wanted to know if it hurt or was uncomfortable. I said it didn’t hurt and the comfort part took a while since I had to try out different part combinations, but now it was fairly comfortable. Then she said she felt like a bad wife, not having any idea that I was wearing this - in particular, never being close enough to me long enough; never having been playful enough to touch what was right in front of her. She felt bad about this. I reassured her but she was right. If she had cuddled with me in bed just once in the six weeks, other than during our “play dates,” she would have discovered it.
We were still left with the question of what to do to keep this great thing going. I had prepared some written material on male chastity for her to read. I found a really great blog from a married couple who had also been together more than twenty years and how male chastity play had totally changed their relationship and sex life for the benefit of both of them (www.marriedchastityplay.blogspot.com),. I also found a good write up about chastity play in the context of marriage at Lori’s Tube site www.chastitytube.com by Angela. I asked her to read them and then we’d talk about some ideas I had and what ideas she had. It took a week before she finally made it through both write-ups and then we talked.
First, she said she was turned off by the Angela article; she just seemed bitchy and not loving of her husband. She was also turned off by the descriptions of “milking” or prostate massage - saying she would never do that (“ugh” is how she put it). Beyond that, she liked the greater control by the wife of when sex occurred, although she was not comfortable with total control over that and also did not like the idea of controlling the “how.” She was not comfortable being in control in the bedroom - at least all of the time. She also was not comfortable accepting sexual services from me - oral and manual stimulation to orgasm without my also participating and reaching orgasm. She said penetration and orgasm inside her were some of her favorite things about sex with me. So, no orgasms for her between orgasms for me. She also didn’t like the idea of “punishing” her husband for transgressions by withholding sex.
As for the chastity and use of the chastity device by me, she agreed that there had been a marked improvement in our sex life, and more importantly for her, an even more marked improvement in our relationship - mainly due to my changed attitude and mood and her positive response to that. Although she really didn’t understand how the chastity device and my abstention contributed to that - she was willing to go along with it to keep this great thing we had discovered going.
So, with a little back and forth exchange of ideas, we decided to adopt some of the things that were the least offensive to her from the Married Chastity Play blog and Angela article. We decided we would have a little affirmation ceremony the day (or evening) after a play date in which we affirmed our love and trust for and in each other and used a couple of chance mechanisms to decide how long I would be chaste and who would decide what we did at our next play date. I rolled the dice to see how long I would be abstaining from sexual release - the number rolled determining the maximum number of days. My wife could make it shorter by telling me on an earlier day, that this was the day. Later, we changed how she informed me of this to having her hand me a large marble, white or black (the significance to be explained below) or having her leave me the marble in a place where I would find it, perhaps with a thoroughly salacious note.
The dice and her intervention would determine the “when.” To determine the “how,” or more exactly, which of us determined the “how,” we adopted the form but not the substance of something Angela discussed in her article. We used black and white marbles, selected blindly by me from a cloth sack to determine which of us would control or determine what we would do. If I selected a black one, she decided; if white, I decided. The marbles are glass and about one inch in diameter. The kicker though, which appealed to both of us for different reasons, is she gets to decide how many black and white marbles go in the sack; and she does it out of my sight and need not tell me what she had done afterwards. In other words, she set the odds on who had control.
Well, we had our first ceremony last Friday which was already seven days since our last sexual encounter. We set the mood lighting scented candles, putting on some soft jazz, and turning the lights down low. I wore only my chastity device covered by a black thong. She wore a see-through black negligee and black stockings. Originally, we were going to have me roll just one die since it had already been a week. Before rolling, I checked with her to make sure she wanted me to roll only one die. She replied, “well, why don’t you roll both of them;” she said this with a sly grin. So, I rolled the dice and came up with an eight. Eight days (or less) until our next play date. It would be a total of fifteen days between releases; the longest period yet that I have gone without an orgasm.
Next, she presented me with the sack containing the marbles she had put in there in the closet, out of sight. She held the sack high enough so there was no way I could see into it. I put my hand in, rummaged around a little and withdrew one. It was white. I heard a slight gasp from my wife, who said “you’ve got to be kidding.” She couldn’t keep the secret: she had put only one white marble in out of the ten - the rest were black. I had beaten pretty long odds to get control of our first encounter.
She immediately thought I had marked the marbles somehow or that they were different sizes. I assured her that I hadn’t (why go through all this trouble to put her in control and then rig the game to put me in control?). The next day, I made a copy of my order receipt that showed both color marbles were the same size. For good measure, I gave her one marble of each color and a set of calipers to measure the diameters herself. There were, of course, both the same. She said she was just kidding, accusing me of rigging the selection but I think that there was at least a hint of actual suspicion that this allayed.
I spent an hour yesterday writing up a very sexy note, telling her what I wanted us to wear and what we were going to do on our next play date. I think it will get her very hot. I will give it to her the morning of our date so she can think about it all day. I love getting her hot and bothered. I’ll post news of how it went after this first special liaison.
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